The Hobbit: The Battle of The Five Armies

DVD, The Hobbit: The Battle of The Five Armies (2014) film

I was going to be snarky and subtitle this 'The Battle of Five Hours,' but I was pleasantly surprised to find the expected epic three-hours or more was much shorter than I expected: a mere two hours, twenty. And even then it was padded and bloated beyond the confines of the original book, but that can be said about all three of these films. It could probably have kept faithful to the text and still been condensed into one film, at the most two, but they went about adapting the trilogy the wrong way. For a start, unlike 'The Lord of The Rings,' which although written as one great volume, was released in three parts across a couple of years, 'The Hobbit' was a relatively slim book. One, average-sized children's story. But that wasn't enough for the money men: they saw their opportunity for gold and they expanded it into a three-Christmas run to try and make a smash hit in the same way the original 'LOTR' trilogy had been. One can't help but feel the irony of a story, and this film in particular, that shows the danger of going after gold, and yet this was a film too far, designed for money-making purposes! I'm sure I'm not the first to point this out, but then I'm probably the last interested party to finally watch the final part.

That in itself is enough to demonstrate, to me at least, that the films were nowhere near good enough. If good is the right word. I don't doubt Peter Jackson and his dedicated team poured their lives and souls into these as they did with 'LOTR,' but that elusive something that makes things either work or not, was missing this time around. I've related my experience with the other films in my other reviews, and I never for a moment planned to see this third entry at the cinema, but to put it into perspective I wasn't even planning to buy the DVD. Not only that, but even when given the disc as a present, it's taken me about two years to get around to taking it off the shelf, sliding it into the drive, and keeping my eyes and ears open for its run time. If I'm that ambivalent about a film, then that must say something about the others that preceded it. It's me as well, I know that: I've grown older and far more discerning. Simplistic stories and characterisations aren't enough, nor are vast CGI epics that are all about the looks, because to me, the visuals are one of the least important ingredients in the recipe for appeal.

I love the book, and have very happy memories of both hearing it read to me, and of reading it to others, so I'm very attached to it. I learned from the first two films how far Jackson and his cohorts could stray from the source, so coming to this one I had no question it would follow the same pattern, and felt no surprise when it did. I can't say I disliked it, it was just an average watch, more something for me to look out for the familiar parts of the story amid all the added baggage. I was hoping they wouldn't botch the emotive Thorin death scene that brings a tear to the eye reading it to this day, and while it wasn't awful, neither was it moving. Rather like the film in its entirety. There were a lot of fights, even Saruman, Elrond and Galadriel get in on the action at one point as they banish Sauron and his Nine off into the East. I suppose it's no worse than Gandalf beating Denethor to the ground with his staff in 'The Return of The King,' but it never sits right that these wizened old men use physical force as the power they wield, rather than otherworldly magic. They're more like Jedi from 'Star Wars,' as are the Elves (and even the large mountain rams Thorin and some others use to nimbly bound up ridiculously steep slopes!), most notably portrayed by Legolas who gets more of a starring role this time.

That's the main thing I took away from the film: its jumping back and forth for more cartoonish action sequences, as if that was the most integral part of the book. I noticed it first in the opening chapter of the trilogy, how it felt more like watching a pretty computer game than being involved with the story, but then these films were designed for 3D, back when that was still a popular novelty. I can't believe it's been almost five years since the film came out, but time rattles along unceasingly, much like the many fights and skirmishes that abound. When the film hews closer to the book, such as Bilbo sneaking off to deliver the Arkenstone (a rather small, and poor approximation of the one in my imaginings), or a line of dialogue that I recognise is uttered, it's not bad. I don't see why they couldn't have followed the original story more closely as I've said so many times: it was a very visual book, all it needed was translation into the visual medium. But creatives want to put their mark on something, not be pure about it. Being pure seemed far from their minds as the nobility and goodness of the story were spoiled by such things as swearing. It was only Dain, but it still stood out like a sore nose on a Dwarf - I don't think there had been any in the other films, and I hope this doesn't represent the direction taken by the upcoming mega-expensive 'LOTR' TV series.

Not a lot about it sticks in the mind, but then I wasn't engaged enough to be noting things down for future reference or desiring to compare and contrast this adaptation with the book. It was certainly beautiful in parts, the glowing fire in the opening attack on Lake Town, the sky over the Lonely Mountain… but these things have lost some of their lustre, just as the gold lost its iron grip on Thorin as he remembered his Grandfather - I remembered the previous trilogy, and while I'd probably be more critical of it watching today, so many more things came together to make it special than drove it apart. I can't really speak to each of the characters, and how well I felt they worked, because they're all a bit of a jumble, what with invented characters mixing with established ones, and the caricatures of Dwarves we get from this band of treasure hunters. I think perhaps the story just isn't suited for films aimed at an audience with a modern mindset, reared on things like the internet and mobile phones. It was written in a different time, and has been commandeered to be squeezed into a contemporary shape that ill suits it. I'm sorry for that, but even then I don't hate it, it's a competent piece of filmmaking. I expect I might even be positive toward it in some small way if I'd never heard of the book. There were moments that worked for me, like the Elves joining the battle by leaping over the heads of the Dwarves, Thorin and the others running out from the Mountain, and the coming of a common enemy that changes things.

That said, it never reached beyond the very average, and even the music was almost flat, the familiar refrains of old themes creeping in here and there to remind us that the wishy-washy flow of music for this film could be bettered. The faces of both the real actors and the CG creations looked a bit plastic, and the lighting didn't help make what we see to be real. In this age of recreating 'The Lion King' as lifelike animation, it looked as if it were almost all animated, didn't have the reality and grounded solidity of surface and life that made it seem like a live-action film, and coupled with the unrealistic camera moves it loses all sense of reality. Again, I'm not having a go at it, it just failed to engage me. Before watching it I'd wanted to go back and re-watch the first two, and I've even been getting antsy to see the first trilogy again as it's been a good decade since I last saw them. But in the event, I couldn't stir myself to sit through two three-hour films in order to get to this one, even though that's about the only motivation I had to view them again. Even worse, it drains me of the wish to see 'LOTR,' and I have to hope the TV series is completely different to the approach they used here. It would be lovely if they tried to be as true to the mythology as possible and create the compelling drama and beauty and nobility that came from Tolkien's writings, because this trilogy has failed in my eyes. I don't even know if I'll ever watch the films again, because there's so much more to see, so why waste time on things that don't draw you in and satisfy?

**