Fissure Quest

 Blu-ray, Lower Decks S5 (Fissure Quest)

Before the modern era of Trek [checks... we can still call it modern, can't we? Yes, there's still some new stuff coming out, so it's still current for a little bit longer...] there were a number of people that were unlikely ever to come back to reprise their characters: Patrick Stewart as Jean-Luc Picard, Brent Spiner as Data, Jeri Ryan as Seven of Nine, and yet they all returned, but some were even less likely. Other than Avery Brooks bringing Sisko back, the most unlikely returnee was probably Jolene Blalock as T'Pol, and here they achieved that in their wishlist (even if she preferred to be credited as 'Jolene' - it sounds more personal, like a sign-off akin to the signatures at the end of 'Star Trek VI,' but she probably just didn't want her new surname to be widely known and perhaps didn't want to use her old surname). Blalock had been part of what was considered during its time the least successful Trek series, 'Enterprise' cancelled after only four years where all the other Treks of the Berman era made it to the magic seven. She was criticised for wearing catsuits, moaned about for being too emotional (for a Vulcan), and I get the impression, judging by her relative lack of involvement in either acting or Trek since that time, she wasn't best pleased by the experience overall. She appeared a couple of times in 'Stargate SG-1,' but otherwise she went pretty quiet, married into another sphere and all but disappeared, so it was a lovely surprise that McMahan was able to bring her out of retirement to voice her famous character once more.

It really was a coup to get her, and though it's slightly disappointing we're not treated to the real T'Pol (this version had been married to Trip Tucker for decades, which is a nice thought), since William Boimler's crew are made up of denizens of many quantum realities (mostly Harry Kims for some reason!), her distinctive Vulcan tones were exactly as they had been and should be back in the day: none of this Jeri Ryan messing with the voice and the character claiming she didn't remember how to play it! And it does give us the opportunity to see a variety of classic Berman-era characters interacting, and since the series was coming to an end, throws in as many of them as they could afford, I imagine (I do wonder if the Dax part was written with Terry Farrell in mind, but with so many signed up they couldn't get her?). So we have the aforementioned Kim(s), Dr. Bashir, Garak of all people, and even a fun return for Lily Sloane almost thirty years after Alfre Woodard last played her (if only we could've had James Cromwell back as Zefram Cochrane, but they'd already used him in Season 3). The season had been light on cameos and classic appearances, presumably as they were saving it all for this episode and it almost makes it worth watching just for these voices... almost.

I'm not complaining, the storyline of the quantum fissures had been a more subtle and muted ongoing plot for the year so it hadn't played itself out, but I can't say the story of the episode was among the better ones. It's more about the novelty value of all these characters from different times and places serving together (I almost wish they'd been plucked exclusively from the 'Prime' Universe as it gets called now, so we could have the original versions of characters, but that's beside the point), and they do at least prevent it being yet another villain deliberately interfering in realities for nefarious purposes but merely the well-meaning, if misguided intentions of a different version of Starfleet accidentally messing up all known reality! Lily gets a typical humanist speech about how they're all about exploring humanity and how it has no limits, aren't we just grand, etc, but ironically were almost responsible for the total destruction of the multiverse which unintentionally proves exactly the opposite of the kind of message Trek really wants to convey! It reminded me so much of the scene in Lily's film, 'First Contact,' in which Picard distractedly explains to her how 'evolved' humanity has become that they don't even use money any more and everyone works to 'better themselves.' The way Patrick Stewart played it, it sounded like he really didn't believe what he was saying - I know the reason is all the while they're creeping down corridors half expecting Borg to pop out any moment, but I always found it quite hilarious that such a pro-humanist speech was said with so much distraction and so little conviction, in reality a hollow philosophy that, while seemingly good, is actually a lie about the state and direction of humanity.

But enough about the confused and failed heart at the centre of Trek, its ideas generally allow for it to create fine, upstanding and optimistic stories of professionalism and heroism so I wouldn't be too down on it for what it is (plus that attitude had been largely ripped asunder by the Kurtzman-era's preference for grim, misery Trek or cartoonish buffoonery Trek), and for all this series' flaws it had still somehow managed to stay truer to what Trek was when it was good, than any of the other recent iterations, so in some way it is quite sad the series was ending. At least on this viewing I understood better what it was doing: one last push into the past when Trek was so great with a Defiant-class ship accurately and lovingly portrayed in every way, from sound effects to Viewscreen, setting up the story for the final episode. When I first saw it I wondered if Wilbo's (as I'll call William Boimler - member of the organisation he's not authorised to name which features a silly black badge, one of 'DSC's stupidest ideas!), crew were going to join forces with our characters and we'd see more of them in the final episode, or even just the renegade Kim who steals the ring ship Beagle (surely named in honour of Archer's love of the dogs?), but it's much clearer to me now that it was all setup for the Cerritos crew to deal with one last massive problem (and Kim clearly explodes!), so of course it wasn't going to be about stunt guest casts, it had to rely on the crew of the series. I like what they did there, having the cake of a Trek guest star flurry and then setting it up for our crew to take it on next, and last.

The Defiant, as much as it was called the Anaximander (a play on Axanar?), was just beautiful, a guest character in its own right, reminding just why that ship from 'DS9' was so wonderful: it looked incredible soaring through space like an eagle, the Bridge, Engineering, Sickbay, all lovingly recreated - but they didn't stop there, they also gave us the ring ship which showed how superbly designed it was in operation, the rings folding down horizontally for planetary landing, and you really get a sense of how impressive such a design could have been had it been realised for live action, a fitting tribute to an earlier era while taking it even further - fitting also the internal design is just like the NX-01 Bridge and corridors since it's meant to be a similar era. Featuring Lily Sloane as the Captain of a human and Vulcan mixed crew was a great extrapolation for the time it's from, even if it is an alternate reality we can imagine something similar in the pre-NX-01 period. 'LD' has always been good at acknowledging Trek's rich history and playing with it, unlike the other series' that so often trampled over it for whatever easy, lazy options they could get. I wondered if Wilbo's line about how his Starfleet goes out into the galaxy and explores strange NEW worlds was a dig at 'Strange New Worlds' and its general lack of exploration? I wouldn't be surprised. We also get his universe-weary attitude to the multiverse idea, that it's all lazy, derivative remixes - that's got to be directed at the Kelvin Timeline films, though it could just as easily be aimed at the myriad superhero films of our time!

One little joke that worked very well was the latest Kim addition to the crew - when they're talking about multiple dimensions he expresses surprise there are more than two. Because of course animation is a two-dimensional medium. So they're breaking the fourth wall. Or is it the second wall in this case? I noticed their version of LCARS is called DCAF (very good, well done), and when wondering what they'll find next, Wilbo suggests Neelix with a crew cut or a really big Spock (one last 'TAS' Trekference?). They had some fun with all the Kim stuff and 'Voyager' - he expresses disgust that every other Kim is still an Ensign, mirroring Garrett Wang's own feelings, I'm sure, since other characters on his series were demoted and promoted again, yet he never made it past his original rank. You hear some asking if his Voyager made it home, he asks what they did with their Tuvix', it's all fun and affectionate and coming from the fan queries and comments over the years, I recognise a lot from podcasts and message board comments. But the Kim with two pips proves promoting him might not have been a good idea since he becomes a megalomaniacal version (and gets himself blown up in the process when he tries to take the Beagle through another rift). We see the white-striped racing uniform of 'Drive' (which had already been seen on this series previously), the clarinet, and the general sticking to the rules Kim was so careful about.

The one thing missing was Tom Paris being there as Kim's best mate (especially as Robert Duncan McNeill had been in two seasons, first as Paris and second as his original character, Nick Locarno), but then we did have Garak and Bashir... That's one choice I didn't like, they really messed with those characters, and once again, though they aren't meant to be the people we knew, it makes you wish we could have returned to the great friendship and respect shared between Garak and the good doctor. This Garak is a surgeon, while Bashir is a medical hologram (which he'd been seen as on 'DS9,' too), and the voices were still distinctively and clearly those original characters, but I can't help feel disappointed they were misused. In fact, I almost wished we'd had the best mate thing again with O'Brien and Bashir (Colm Meaney being another of the least likely actors to return to their character), or alternately, bring in all three actresses who voiced Tora Ziyal and pair them up with Garak, which would have been a terrific joke. Woodard definitely sounded old, but then it had been almost thirty years and when you realise 'First Contact' marked the 30th Anniversary of Trek's actual debut (or, technically, was first shown on TV), it's stunning to think we're now another thirty years on, and counting. It's lovely we could still get actors from the Golden Age of Trek now, in today's world, but with the end of 'LD' and even the Kurtzman-era, it probably means we won't see any of those people ever again, and, if the world's still spinning in another thirty years, I doubt we'll still be harking back to those actors, if any are even still alive.

It's a sad realisation, but I suppose one of Trek's mandates was to get people to think. Nowadays it's more about curbing people's thoughts in certain directions, or subverting the positive qualities of Trek past, something even this series has been more than guilty of. Which is why I wasn't actually that sad to come to the end (it was almost more that I was relieved it was all released on physical media which seems to be once again on the wane if gaming's plans to go digital-only is any indication...). To return to this episode, however, it was a functional tale, fun, but gimmicky, nothing the series has done in its last two seasons came close to its Season 2 finale which stands as the high point for me. It remains to be seen if the series finale will improve for me on second viewing, but it will at least have been a pleasure to make it through and review every episode of a Trek series, since that hasn't been the case for any other modern Trek, so 'LD' was unique in that way. Was the episode title a play on 'SeaQuest,' by any chance?

**

Upper Decks

 Blu-ray, Lower Decks S5 (Upper Decks)

I can see what they were doing. It took a while to get it, when it should have, shall we say, 'clicked' from the title: it's meant to be an inverse of the 'TNG' episode, 'Lower Decks,' which was a series based around the command crew with one episode showing what the perspective was like for the lower ranks. But 'Lower Decks' (the series), is all about the perspective of lower-deckers, so this is an episode showing what it's like from the command crew's POV. On paper a fun twist on the usual course of proceedings, except that from the first episode they've never been able to focus solely on the lowest ranked on the ship because it's difficult to be in on the action when you're mostly following orders from above and not actually making the big decisions (see 'DSC' which was also supposed to be from that perspective, only Burnham had to be injected into the higher echelons of command for anything to happen and came across as the worst version of an insubordinate Wesley Crusher in consequence), so while it could work, on this series we already get a whole lot of the Bridge officers, etc, so it doesn't seem all that different except for a slight shift in emphasis (maybe that's why most of the upper ranks were barely in the last few episodes, to prepare us for this, their 'starring' moment?).

They did 'succeed' in one thing: doing the inverse of 'Lower Decks' (the 'TNG' episode), because that was a great story, while this was falling back on silly, 'Dr. Who' space monsters/creatures, swearing and gore for most of its 'humour' and 'entertainment.' It really did take me back: back to the lower-ranked days of Season 1, ironically, which I still consider to be the weakest the series ever was on a regular basis, even while I can find things to like now that I care about the characters. But while Shaxs' brush with flashbacks to the Bajoran Occupation were fun to see (including a younger version of himself with dark hair, showing how much time has passed since then), facing off against a Borg version (not sure where that came into it - I don't remember the Borg ever showing up on Bajor...), or a Pah-Wraith-possessed Shaxs, other diversions weren't as successful: it's back to tiresome T'Ana, the cat with the bad attitude and mouth full of dirt they seem to think is so hilarious, this time having Nurse Westlake inflict pain on her so she can update the pain charts, whatever that even means. Ransom showing what a boring oaf he is by failing to do anything useful when these Buhgoon, giant space woodlice or armadillos, make a mess of the Cargo Bay and Beta- and Delta-shift scientists are running round like headless... Buhgoon.

Captain Freeman's story isn't much better, Steve Stevens (in his last appearance), ferrying her from one appointment to another showing a Captain's work is never done, while Chief Engineer Billups has to deal with various technical problems in Engineering. In the meantime our 'main' characters aren't to be seen, so again, it doesn't quite work as a riff on the 'TNG' story since in that one the senior staff were dealing with issues and the lower rank group were wondering and speculating. Granted, this episode has half the running time so you can say they simply cut out any scenes of Boimler, Mariner, etc, but it's supposed to be highly amusing that they stroll onto the scene at the end wondering what all the fuss is about with rumours of an invasion having happened, while at the start of the episode they break the fourth wall by talking about how their command crew are no Janeway, Kirk or Sisko, and they, themselves, seem to be the stars of the show. Not that I'm against focusing on the other characters for a change, I just found far too much of an impression of being wacky for wacky's sake, the kind of episode that demonstrates the bad side of the series, that if you were going to point a Trekker to an episode this is exactly the kind of crude, gross, ridiculous story you'd aim to avoid because if they saw it they'd think it was exactly the kind of thing they feared it would be, when in fact at its heights it can be as good as 'proper' Trek.

Not that there weren't any humorous moments, a small handful of gags or lines worked nicely - Billups talking about refreshing the rocks in the ceiling panels that Ransom says he hates because they drop on his head when the ship comes under attack, followed by Billups spitting out a technobabble reason they're there (when in fact in 'real' Trek it's just meant to be burnt bits of bulkhead or console exploding around people), is quite funny, if silly. Ransom's line about the Buhgoon after seeing they can cloak when they curl into a ball 'using their hide to hide' was a simple piece of punnery, but I much prefer that to the gross stuff like the guy violently giving birth, or whatever. Seeing one of the scientists use the patented double-axe punch when fighting a Clicket is always fun, and T'Ana replying to a Clicket threatening his weapon is set to kill by replying, "So am I," was just a great moment (Westlake making her purr by stroking her head at the end, while not original for the series, is always amusing), as was Stevens' wide-eyed confusion that Freeman is going off the carefully arranged schedule when she says it's time to repel the invaders.

Leaving aside any grossness, the thing that can often annoy most about the series (also forgetting the contemporary dialogue which nonetheless is actually more suited to this high-paced cartoon than the far more egregious uses in live-action Treks), is showing Starfleet officers up as incompetent, useless or simply owners of bad attitudes. When you think how it was supposed to be only the best of the best that graduated Starfleet Academy it's galling how often characters do badly and fail to inspire, though it's what the whole premise of the series is: a second-rate, second-class tier of Starfleet, which if you think about it goes against the entire Trek ethos, mostly for cheap laughs. Looking at the series in that light I can see why some can't stand it, though as I've said, it's the only one of the modern variations that grew on me to the extent I looked forward to seeing more. The worst example in this episode is probably the Beta- and Delta-shifters (how would two such shifts even be working together anyway?), whom can't stand each other and have to go through a crisis where they depend on each other in order to learn to get along. I'm not saying some variation of that hadn't been done many times before (though it tended to be Starfleet and civilian or Starfleet and Maquis), but badmouthing your First Officer and saying he's the worst is quite demeaning to the ship and crew.

The episode is 'saved' from complete ignominy with its successful flourish of happy endings, so they pull it out of the oven before the concept is burnt to a cinder: Ransom is shown to be more cunning than his subordinates give him credit for (something we'd seen before in such tactics as his treatment of Mariner or Boimler), by forcing the squabbling underlings to cooperate 'just to spite him,' so that worked. T'Ana realises she needs more pain medication for patients (if not empathy, which she's never going to have), Shaxs beats up a load of Clickets in his meditative sleep, Billups... merely solves the Engineering problems so that didn't really go anywhere, and Freeman remembers how Clickets are defeated by compliments (I'm with her - I'd completely forgotten they'd encountered the race before in 'Veritas,' unsurprisingly a Season 1 episode), a suitably silly solution (but not far off some cultural snags seen in Trek before - like the race that hate politeness from 'Coming of Age,' or the Tak Tak who have extreme rules on body language, or the ones from 'Enterprise' that find eating in public obscene). The best is Stevens arranging for Admiral Freeman to come aboard for a surprise visit to celebrate his Captain-wife's anniversary (was that the same restaurant seen on the Holodeck in 'We'll Always Have Paris'?).

The big missing piece for me was naming the visiting scientist as a Grazerite, which he obviously was, since we'd only ever seen one before (Federation President Jaresh-Inyo on 'DS9'), and it would have been an ideal time to explore that culture, but since he was only a Clicket in disguise (the skin-shedding being the most disgusting Season 1-esque moment), I suppose it was all rather redundant and we should be grateful we even got to see an example of the race, even a fake one. There are the usual little Trekferences (Rutherford carves an image of V'Ger into a pumpkin - not sure how Mariner would know about all that in such fannish detail, but that's nothing new; Barnes had been turned into a cavewoman like Riker in 'Genesis'), but even they aren't necessarily of the best calibre. I was surprised to discover I'd actually liked this one on my original viewing, I'd completely forgotten that, and while it shows how varying the reaction to this era of Trek can be, it's surprising I can go from one (relative) extreme to the other in such a (relatively) short time! In my notes for the original viewing I wrote, 'Maybe I was just in the mood for it?' Well, maybe this time I wasn't in the mood for it. And maybe next time I'll swing back around to liking it again? It's possible. It's also possible that watching in a relaxed way merely as entertainment can be a different experience than watching with a view to reviewing the episode, so that's also a factor. But I'm still recovering from finding out this was my highest-rated episode of the season on original viewing so I need to go and sort my head out like Shaxs did...

**

Fully Dilated

 Blu-ray, Lower Decks S5 (Fully Dilated)

They both win! Tendi and T'Lyn are both in the running for Senior Science Officer on the Bridge and throughout the episode Tendi desperately competes with the Vulcan woman, even while they're both trapped on a time-dilated planet living out life while they wait for Boimler and Rutherford to beam them back way out of schedule. On the face of it, it's a charming end to a fun episode where the Captain, listening to the advice of... none other than Lieutenant Commander Data (or more precisely: Data from a purple universe - yes, typically wacky idea), decides they can both have the position. At the same time it's typical of modern Trek (and modern life in general), that people have to be placated when things don't smooth out for them, so instead of having to face a hard decision and deal with it as a fact of life, we have to find a way to please them both. It might sound a touch crusty and complaining to point this out, but Trek was always good at dealing with difficult things, disappointment being one of them, and teaching the audience while our characters learn something. Of course this series tends to subvert things a lot, even while paying tribute or making callbacks to a better era of Trek production, so it's not exactly out of character, and really, it is a... let's say 'sweet' ending. Tendi's always been sweet, T'Lyn is the epitome of the professional Vulcan character modern Trek's always lacked, so I can live with what is a concession to the sensitive in this case, and while I don't remember how it plays out, I'm now curious to see how the roles will work.

The big, nay, massive boon of this particular story is having Brent Spiner along to play Data's head, in what I assume will be the last ever time he plays his famous character (or a variation of such). It may not be The Commander Data of our (and 'Lower Decks'), universe, but apparently this purple alternate is pretty close judging by the way Data talks of his best friend, Geordi, whom he has to get back for, or Lieutenant Worf who he's seen chew ropes with his bare teeth, and Data himself experienced the same events of 'Time's Arrow' where he was stuck in a cave for hundreds of years only to be rescued by Picard, himself, and 'a guy in a silver jumpsuit'! It's all very appealing, jumping back into a version of Data that's much closer to the original 'TNG' character than the later (or current, in this episode's time), Data of the films, since he'd be dead at this point, yet would return in 'Picard' set much later than 'LD,' filmed before this episode... It's simply charming to hear the old Data way of speaking, still on the Enterprise-D, albeit a purple version (Data's take on his universe's penchant for purple is why wouldn't you use the colour if it's available, which is as good a justification as any!), and of course he and Tendi go together perfectly, both nice, thoughtful characters interested in science, while Data is more sensible, able to provide moral support and see past Tendi's issues. It does highlight the difference between this series and 'TNG' in that even one of the calmest and sweetest-of-temperament characters seems scatty, manic and a touch cruel (she turns Data off mid-sentence), compared with 'TNG,' but in Tendi's defence she was going without sleep and her urge to 'win' against T'Lyn had clouded her judgement.

It's never a good idea to try and compete with a Vulcan, and T'Lyn is typically adept at whatever physical tasks she puts her mind to, whether it be instantly performing expert juggling she's never attempted before (a bit like Data dancing in 'Data's Day' - he'd have made a good Vulcan), a gardener of great distinction, able to grow giant vegetables, then becoming rich through turning the vegetable skins into beauty products the natives love, it's both ridiculous, yet grounded in typical Vulcan behaviour of excelling at all they do - most importantly for me after so many bad versions or performances of the race in recent decades, she does so much to remind us why Vulcans are the coolest race, and the reason they're my favourite. The only missing element for me was when she decides to withdraw from the running for the Science Officer position due to believing she was unable to communicate well enough after Tendi had withdrawn into her competitive bubble. It's endearing she blames herself for Tendi's mistakes, but I felt she should have made the choice as she saw the issue had come between their friendship, something she valued and would not want to damage. It's possible she meant that and was choosing to focus on the 'faults,' but she seemed quite genuine and there are plenty of times we've seen her make a pretence for the sake of reverse psychology or whatever, so you can tell the difference.

As it is, the story is quite a pleasant undercover mission on an alien planet, the trio of Mariner, Tendi and T'Lyn are trapped there and just start living lives with different emphases for each so it becomes a fascinating look at what they'd do in such a situation as it has been for plenty of characters before (the obvious ones being both Trekferenced when Mariner realises this is her chance to have a 'probe life' like Captain Picard, and also calls it a 'Carbon Creek' situation after the 'Enterprise' incident of Vulcans crashing on Earth and having to make a life there). Aside from Mariner's bad language and the writers still finding a way to bring some disgust into proceedings (Boimler and Rutherford have to lick the Transporter console to remove their spilled drinks, getting repeatedly electrocuted, and suggesting the operator doesn't wash his hands... unlikely consoles would be affected by a liquid spill as Starfleet would be wiser than that, or that they'd get spiked by electricity - on the other hand the consoles do often explode in battle, so maybe it was a comment on their apparent unreliability at sensitive times), this is one of the most gentle episodes of the series, what with Data there to share wisdom, and an agrarian community, there's very little seen of the Cerritos and the other characters so it gives them an opportunity to do something different, all while still playing with familiar Trek tropes.

The idea of every second aboard the Cerritos equalling a week on the planet is played out well as we keep cutting back to the brief, but unrestrained panic in the Transporter room as time ticks by - the fact Voyager encountered a similar planet is mentioned and the Trekferences seem generally very apt and organic to the story, only adding to the pleasure of it all (such as 'Edo-level' stupidity as Mariner describes her two-month sentence in gaol for a mere eye-poke, yet that hints at the reality of a culture in which the people have horns growing out of their heads, so they would need to be careful!), an alternate Tasha Yar gets a mention (shame we never had Denise Crosby back in modern Trek, other than the old hologram recording she gave Data, seen again in 'Picard,' as a voice role would have been perfect), and the beam-out location is definitely reminiscent of Vasquez Rocks seen throughout Trek productions across the decades! Reflecting before rewatching the episode I wondered if Data's colour was meant to be a Trekference back to when they were experimenting with his skin tone before 'TNG' began, with bubblegum pink and battleship grey variations until the gold we know was settled on (even carried across to action figure variants of the time!), so it was a shame the purple wasn't named as bubblegum pink, though they do get in 'neutral grey' when describing our Enterprise.

It's somewhat surprising they mention neither the D's demise nor Data's, but I suppose they didn't want to bring down the mood, even so, it would have added to the continuity and seems conspicuous by absence - it's more the simple pleasure of meeting a legend for our characters rather than the poignancy of meeting him after he was dead and long gone, which of course isn't the case for viewers with 'Picard' to come a couple of decades later, with a new Data, but the 'LD' characters don't know that and shouldn't react in that way. If I'm nitpicking (and you know it's a good one when there's less to point out), it was not so Vulcan of T'Lyn to be taken out so easily by the Ferengi-like, sneering Snell (voiced by Eric Bauza, his last of numerous roles across the series), the village lurker who's a constant thorn in their side, able to leap from the rafters and knock her unconscious. But in general the Vulcan greatness was on pronounced display, even the attitude toward them was spot-on, Tendi worrying she's in competition with her back on the ship, and Rutherford reassuring her it's probably that Vulcans just forget about feelings (I know, technically Vulcans are supposed to know feelings very well in the sense they experience them tenfold compared to most races, but the point is they use such strong control to bury them that they are alienated from them, not barely contained just under the surface of their persona as is so often wrongly portrayed in Trek from 'Enterprise' onwards!). Oh, and I noticed a rare misspeak from a cast member that apparently wasn't caught at any stage: when commenting on the beverages Rutherford and Boimler have rustled up, Nöel Wells says: "This is something the other Boimler drink, isn't it"!

I enjoyed the classic plot of crew having to be physically transformed into aliens to infiltrate their pre-warp society, Tendi and T'Lyn's inadvertent competition and Mariner's eagerness to live out an alternate life while she has the chance, only succeeding in being imprisoned for her lack of awareness of the society's rules. Having Spiner was a high point of the season (better than the other cameos to come later), he really is Trek royalty, and I especially appreciated they treated him right, didn't have him do anything wacky like swearing or saying ridiculous lines for a gag, but played it straight as the real Data would (even while they technically had licence to do whatever they wanted since it's not The Data, after all!), and while he's now at the age the voice can't be disguised for being old (it sounds like he's got marshmallows in his mouth), he still gets the tone and readings perfect, and if this is, as I suspect, the last time he plays the role (though twenty-odd years ago we thought it was over then, so never say never!), it was a charming performance that expertly harks back to an earlier time. All that and the typically boisterous ending with Mariner playing her soap flute badly which closes out the episode beautifully and amusingly, means I liked this a bit more than when I first saw it, and it was always the high point of the season even then, meaning this is another season to have at least one episode that breaks into the 'standard' quality of old Trek, well done. Even the title is a play on Worf's famous line about Keiko being fully dilated so she may now give birth, another nice 'TNG' Trekference, yet also well suited to the dimensional fissures arc of the season - nice one.

***

Of Gods and Angles

 Blu-ray, Lower Decks S5 (Of Gods and Angles)

One of the more forgettable episodes, to the extent that I actually had the thought while watching: 'Oh yeah, Dr. T'Ana... Oh yeah, Shaxs... Oh yeah, Billups...' Some of these characters have been largely forgotten this season and they haven't built on them as they were doing in earlier seasons. The ideas were there: a link back to the race Apollo came from in 'Who Mourns For Adonais?' and what would it be like if one of the so-called 'demi-gods' had descendants that eventually ended up in Starfleet - with all their powers how could they fit in? Then there are the delightful old tropes such as scanning residue for a murder investigation, two opposing races that need to be brought together... Yet it all somehow felt cobbled together and didn't gel as they sometimes do. It didn't help the B-story of Boimler thinking the way to being more successful is to copy his alternate self by becoming pals with T'Ana, the most bad-tempered, unfriendly crewmember aboard - again, it sounds like an idea ripe with potential, but then T'Ana just comes across as a sweary, swearing swearer. 'Hur-hur-hur, swearing is so funny...' kind of attitude. It's just a nothing story, and of course it's 'hilarious' that both Boimler and Rutherford learn the wrong lesson that to be a success you need to become more like someone else, all the while drip-feeding a subversive agenda - no religion among humans in 24th Century Trek? We'll have Sikhs and Muslims in the background (not that they hadn't done it before). The photonic lifeforms are referred to without gender, which makes sense, but it just added to that sense of nothing going on except for a spot of agenda-ising. 'Anti-cube propaganda' sounds like the kind of thing someone would be accused of in today's world, like the nebulous 'hate speech' which can be used for any definition they want. It was all just rather dopey.

So what else is there? Very little. Yes, you can see some of the rebellious Mariner of old in Ensign Olly, and she can see it in her, too, and takes it upon herself to help her fit in, all very altruistic, except the way Mariner is it comes across as very self-serving and all about me, because this is who I was and I understand. Two Mariners are double the annoying. And how does she even have access to a door override code? I suppose I shouldn't ask - she's Mariner! There are the usual Trekference gags, whether visual (Worf's black chair of multi-ball design and a Dabo wheel are among the items Olly packs onto a grav sled, and perhaps her driving the sled down the corridor, smashing into walls as she goes could have been seen as a tribute to a similar scene in 'Nemesis'), or specific links back, such as copying Wesley Crusher by playing with a mini, handheld Tractor Beam, or the mention of her former crew being made up of reformed Maquis (they must have been the few fortunate ones that either didn't get stranded on Voyager or hunted down and executed by the Dominion), and obviously the big one being hearing of Zeus and how Olly is descended from him - the laurel is actually a bio-luminescent construct that can't be removed, so even now they're filling in a spot of 'TOS' canon that we probably never thought would be.

Even Mariner saying the Q are more annoying than scary is a little reminder of how things change over time, since when Q was first introduced he was pretty heavy and dangerous, putting humanity on trial and bringing them into contact with the Borg to burst their prideful bubble. But over time it seems we no longer think of Q as being all that much of a threat. Other than these little details the episode didn't have all that much to say. Okay, there's the cliched different races finding common ground, almost a 'Romeo and Juliet' situation, except we didn't see it play out, merely the conclusion. The squares and the orbs were simple, but well designed, stripping things right back to the minimum is always trickier than embellishing or elaborating. And it's interesting that they're a rare photonic species... And the battle between them was full-on ridiculous, but in a good way... I'm really grasping at straws to write anything about this episode, as you can tell! Apparently the voice of SquAaron, the result of the union between the two races, was voiced by Roan K. Lai, who'd been Moopsy in 'I Have No Bones Yet I Must Flee,' so that's something. And the main cast do plenty of guest voices. That's about it. I'm sputtering out here. Oh, there's no connection to the subspace fissures arc, though of course Beard Boimler is firmly part of this story. Okay. The ship looks beautiful, as always. Yep. Wait, there was one thing: Tendi says something about adding Ferengi blood to their Sickbay collection they'll have a whole rainbow of colours, so is their blood different to the usual red of most races? I don't remember if we'd ever seen it (I'd love it to be orange, of course!). Nope, that's it. It all came across as filler, and when there are so few episodes to go, that's disappointing. At the same time it also makes me realise it was probably a good thing for the series to end when they weren't doing enough good stuff any more.

**

Starbase 80?!

 Blu-ray, Lower Decks S5 (Starbase 80?!)

Before the season was released it was said there'd be some sort of 'Enterprise' episode, or maybe they just suggested they were trying to come up with one, but I took it from the 22nd Century uniforms (and a few other Trekferences... or maybe Entferences!), being used here that this was the episode. Consequently I felt a little disappointed it wasn't more substantial and in no way on a par with the 'DS9' tribute where they visited the station and checked in on a couple of the characters. The 'Voyager' tribute of the previous season was a bit weaker, but still, we got to revisit the USS Voyager and have a little fun with that, so perhaps they were following the rule that 'DS9' was superior, 'Voyager' was a little lesser, and 'Enterprise' was certainly the inferior Trek (until the Kurtzman era came along and made it look like solid gold-standard Trek brilliance in comparison!), by having their tribute episodes follow the same pattern. I don't really think that, especially knowing T'Pol was the real 'Enterprise' surprise to come for the season, so perhaps this was a trick to lower viewers' defences in order to impress them all the more by bringing back Jolene Blalock who was one of the least likely Trek stars ever to return!

Even with the Spock subversion trick (in other words, pretending to kill him at the start of 'Star Trek II' to quash the rumours only to genuinely kill him at the end - could also be called the Trip Tucker trick since a similar thing happened in the 'Enterprise' finale), this still doesn't come across all that well. Despite its fun Trekferences, both visual and otherwise (making it more a 'TOS' tribute than anything else thanks to some nice recreations of various settings from the old Constitution-class ships of Kirk's era, that striking, but simple mid-23rd Century look with none of your rubbish 'DSC' or 'SNW' rejigging of 'visual canon'), as well as some beautiful establishing shots (of which I could have wished for more - not so much the rundown Starbase, but the Cerritos always looks so lovely), and the twist that those entering the 'Hell' of this much-maligned Starfleet facility, notorious fleet-wide for its flaws, actually bring their own flaws with them, I'm not sure it does Mariner any favours. In fact I'm sure it doesn't, the point being her expectations and assumption Starbase 80 and its denizens were responsible for everything going wrong when it was actually the Cerritos crew having brought back an anaphasic entity from a recent underwater mission. But the point seems to be, as Mariner herself states, that if only she hadn't been the 'new, improved' version where she was embracing Starfleet life instead of rubbing up against it, she'd have realised what was going on much sooner. It seems to be a typically modern idea of 'being yourself' the most important thing, not following protocols and being professional - as long as it's good for you, that's what matters, which isn't a good message to send out.

Not that this is by any means a message episode, nor that the series itself is all that good at the more serious side of Trek (which is fortunate in this time when political and ideological direction is so one-sided rather than the old balanced and nuanced approach to storytelling that served so well and appealed across the spectrum), and I can at least give it credit for using its own mythology or backstory, however you want to call it, Starbase 80 having been a quiet threat in the background for a long time. Yet the episode also feels like an amalgam of the pilot, 'Second Contact,' for the 'zombies taking over the ship' and 'Much Ado About Boimler' for the creepy facility full of weirdness so though they'd done a mere forty-four episodes prior to this (which would've been coming towards the end of Season 2 in old money, and even then this would be almost half the number of minutes due to shorter running time), they were already starting to ape themselves, never mind about playing with old Trek tropes. The tropes aren't the issue, it's how they tell stories, and again, while we're meant to believe in this ship, crew and world as being as much a part of the Trek timeline as any live action series, they can't help but make some silly choices that diminish its own reality. Take the Cerritos' Self-Destruct system for example: it's a big moment for that to be activated, and while I'm fine with them playing with such ideas, the simple, mechanical issue is that they shouldn't be able to flick it on and off.

It's done for a joke, which is what you'd expect, and you can even come up with reasons why it could happen (the entity had affected all ship's systems; Billups was the one activating it and he's Chief Engineer so could have found a way to do that), but it just takes away from the reality. The whole point is you can't activate or deactivate this momentous, built-in, last resort, otherwise it would be useless, but as well as Billups doing just that, on and off like a light switch, Mariner, who isn't even command crew level, jumps in and switches it off. Again, you can make up reasons, but it's not very satisfying and like so many things in modern Trek, diminishes the reality and gravity of situations. At the same time as doing ridiculous things for laughs, they also have some good little moments that would only be understood by those in the know: Commander Kassia Nox ('Stargate' reference for another all-knowing race?), the El-Aurian woman Mariner assumes is really old (another trope - see Artim in 'Insurrection' who's asked jokingly if he's much older than he looks, is only a child), but she's only in her Thirties. So that makes her only an 'ordinary' humanoid, Mariner claims. All good fun. Dr. Horseberry is half mutated into a Tarchannen alien like Geordi in 'TNG' - if you know the episode you instantly recognise such unique physiology and enjoy the joke. And they've always thrown in a lot of visual gags Trekferencing old episodes or characters - the shop selling old uniforms and props is a treasure trove with all sorts of connections, such as android Ruk's outfit.

Not sure if they were saying something about Roddenberry since you don't name a character Gene in Trek without realising the connotation, plus he had the same build and was also a Southerner, but if so I didn't read anything into it. Stephen Root voiced him (and an Acamarian), and had apparently also been in the 'Unification' two-parter on 'TNG' which is a nice connection. Oscar Montoya who reprised Mackler (I admit, I don't recall him!), had been the same character in 'Shades of Green' this season, but was most recognisable as Vexilon from 'In the Cradle of Vexilon' - they often liked to reuse voice actors. Sometimes it can be a bit too recognisable when one of the main cast fills another role, as here with Jerry O'Connell playing Clem the anaphasic entity, another of those powerful aliens that's really only a child of his race. The gag with the Decontamination Chamber where you have to rub gel... yes, that's nonsensical. While the Starbase's Transporters may not be suitable for organic matter (another nod to the NX-01), why can't the Cerritos use its own Transporters to beam over anywhere they want to? And what good would the gel do, clearly it had no effect on the anaphasic energy which should surely be on Starfleet's radar. But then you get the 'twist handle control' Turbolifts with the joke of Ransom asking if Freeman used these when she was an Ensign, or the fact the Chief Engineer is a good ol' Southern boy like Trip Tucker III.

Freeman somehow has the ability to fix any Engineering problem on the station and I don't remember them ever saying she had skills or interest in that area (though I could have missed something - only having seen the episodes twice I don't remember as many of the character details as I might). But then you've got wall Communicators as they call them ('wall-comms'), and the gravity sweet spot in all of Engineering, but it's not actually a sweet spot as in 'Enterprise,' it's just the grav plating playing up. I wonder if they were going for more of a 'Babylon 5' tribute in some ways as the station is more like that facility in tone (even called 'SB80' at times), especially with the rough lower levels full of lawless aliens - it is good fun whenever they pointedly use a badly designed Trek race of the past as a joke: in this case the Acamarians who looked so poor and were in such a weak episode ('The Vengeance Factor'). They've done that a number of times, bringing back such weak aliens of the week, like the Pakleds whose very presence is a joke, and that works. They could have redeemed these 'lost' races, so in some ways I'd have preferred that, but it's more about recalling the silly parts of Trek past, the kind you'd never expect to see again, so I understand it (still waiting for Letheans, but looks unlikely now). One thing that is a nice takeaway is that though SB80 seems forgotten, it was described as a place for 'second-chancers' so was meant for redemption (and 'second-contacters' should fit right in!).

Captain Freeman finds commonality with Starbase 80, admitting early on that the Cerritos isn't exactly cutting edge either when they go there for an essential component (shades of 'Empok Nor'?), but it isn't till the end she sees them in the similar situation of being disregarded by Starfleet and realises she was thinking less of them in the same way as people think less of the Cerritos and its California-class so a good lesson in humility and seeing what's being done to us is a trap we can fall into in how we treat others. Starbase 80 is on a whole other dimension of neglect, though, once again making you question Starfleet values that they could allow such things (and especially making a treaty with such as the Acamarians for joint ownership of the station itself!). So it's a mixed bag as is so often the case with this series. Would they really be wearing 22nd Century uniforms and relying on food vendors? Sometimes the cartoonish 'hilarity' requires more illogic than anything else to play out, it's a problem in the series and once again I come to an episode really ready to write about it and eager to see more, and come away feeling more like I used to do in Season 1 where it's more about shock value (though not much of that here, grossness reduced to zombie drooling), or jokiness than good storytelling, but this is still better than some of the early episodes. They don't explicitly join things up with the fissure quest, only loosely with Freeman wanting to do better with the Starbase her alternate counterpart ran in the other universe, and Boimler's facial hair gradually forming into something, but not every episode has to tie in. The fact doing good and having the right attitude doesn't automatically mean things run smoothly for you, as Mariner found, is a test of character, something Trek is all about. It does come across a bit sudden that they're trying to redeem her past behaviour, but that's Mariner summed up: a bit sudden!

**

A Farewell To Farms

 Blu-ray, Lower Decks S5 (A Farewell To Farms)

Each season they like to do an episode that breaks the format, in other words something completely different, opening titles over a more thoughtful version of the theme music, an alien point of view, that sort of thing. That can work, but for every 'wej Duj' there's 'A Mathematically Perfect Redemption,' whose stench is hard to remove. Fortunately this falls more in the former category as a fairly enjoyable stab at Klingon culture, but it's also another episode where I feel the series isn't quite working as it should be, and as I know it can. There are some fun, minor wisecracks about Trek lore, there is some exploration of Klingon culture or subculture, and it is nice to continue the story of Ma'ah, the Klingon we first met in 'wej Duj,' and who's had an arc weaving here and there through the series ever since. I like that kind of continuity, it's missing from most of modern Trek where even the main characters don't get much of the kind of development Trek used to be so good at. Even with all that it does leave a sense of... not wasting time, that would be too harsh, but treading water a little, the season's 'main' arc (which at the moment gets as little exposure as Boimler's beard-growing 'subplot,' which does at least show in more than mere face follicles as he tries to embrace pain and the way of the warrior like his more confident and successful alternate universe counterpart), of mysterious 'space holes' as Ma'ah succinctly describes them, is really just thrown in at the end as a reminder of the growing instances of these anomalies.

Not that I'm saying they're doing badly by not focusing episodes on the arc, and I do quite like that they introduced it into this episode which at first seems as if it would have nothing to do with anything else, Mariner's pretext for being in the area good enough. The real focus is on Ma'ah and the dejected life he's leading having disgraced the family honour from his crew mutinying (I don't quite believe his brother, Malor, when he says the whole family being shamed was 'hilarious,' but maybe he was being ironic, or perhaps he really is as lacking in Klingon ways as his slovenly appearance and motivation by money suggests - what is he, a Ferengi?!), reduced to working on a farm on Qo'noS, surely a most lowly occupation among a warrior race. We do get an idea of what life outside the warrior caste might be like, and by extension the kind of life Martok may have had before he rose to prominence - the Chancellor of the Empire gets a couple of mentions here, once as Boimler thinks the bar is where he took on some opponents, while Ma'ah corrects him that it took place in the Ketha Lowlands, and then at the end when Ma'ah takes to his duty as Captain of a rust-bucket, saying proudly that this is the kind of ship Martok started out on, so they're definitely trying to draw parallels, and who knows, maybe Ma'ah is destined to lead the Empire as well!

In the old days (in other words, a few short years ago, maybe four!), we could have speculated on whether Ma'ah may indeed be Chancellor by the time of 'Picard,' and perhaps we'll see him in live action? Or maybe there'll be some reference to him somewhere else in current Trek, but while it's possible he could be remembered a millennium hence (in 'Starfleet Academy'), we no longer get that impression of an unfolding Trek universe that we were clinging onto amongst all the dross produced in the last decade, even possibilities seem dead at this point. Martok's absence is a bit of a gaping hole, which is strange since this series has made use of both J.G. Hertzler and even Martok, but also true to this series is that they gave us a 'cartoon' version of Martok (I don't mean animated, the whole series is in that format, but in that it wasn't the real one, just a mock-up Martok), so it is a shame not to finally see him sitting on some throne somewhere overseeing the High Council. But then this story doesn't deal with anything so high and mighty, merely the 'Oversight Council' which apparently oversees the fleet, a bit like a Klingon version of Starfleet, and of course it's run by a big, burly bully without honour, in keeping with the general trend of Klingons to worship honour while yet somehow the majority of them are cowardly and conniving.

Mary Chieffo's role as K'Elarra was a nice bone to throw at us (and her), after she was unceremoniously dumped out of 'DSC' when it zipped into the future, as she seemed like one of those potential recurring characters that would continue, and was at least more interesting than the bland, undeveloped Bridge crew I could barely remember the names of for most of that series. For one thing, while I dislike 'DSC' a lot and put so much of the problems and mistakes of modern Trek at its door, like it or loathe it, it is part of the lore (any future Trek producers: feel free to alter the ridiculous canon from that series at every opportunity to somehow smooth over the bumps!), and I appreciate when there's some connection to other series', even the worst ones. In this case it's not a connection to lore, merely bringing back an actress, which is fine, but it's telling that even though I knew she was going to be in an episode this season I'd forgotten it was this one, and this character as I didn't recognise her voice (checking back I find she wasn't even the character I thought she was, actually the woman in the bar!). When I heard she was going to be in it I naturally assumed she was going to be the character she'd played before and somehow L'Rell would appear, either as a very elderly Klingon, or in holographic form, flashback, or one of the numerous other sci-fi ways they can always use to bring back someone. As it is it's merely a minor role.

The other role, whom I thought was played by Chieffo, was actually Enaj ('Jane' backwards?), which I'm not even sure fits with Klingon culture where women aren't allowed to serve on the High Council and whose rights are curtailed in leading their House, etc. Nowadays I'm sure some would decry this as Trek not living up to its themes of equality and betraying itself, but then they'd be forgetting 'diversity' - not all cultures are going to be the same, and while the Federation would be happy to have females in positions of power, the Klingons aren't (or weren't - L'Rell's position itself was a reversal of what we knew of Klingon canon, but like most things, 'DSC' mostly just ruined any Trek concepts it toyed with). Leaving aside all that, after all the lore-meisters would no doubt say it wasn't ever stated in canon they couldn't serve on this Oversight Council, mainly because I don't think we'd ever heard of it before, even though it's not in keeping with the spirit of Klingon culture, but leaving it aside, it's only a tiny role anyway. We get to see more of the race's culture in the farming operations (once again it's important to note how Replicators can't recreate the 'liveliness' of Klingon dishes and foods, which is why farms would exist at all when they can simply turn energy into edible matter), its music (can we call that 'Thrash lute-playing,' etc, Klingon folk music?), we learn of another animal species on the planet called a 'Brush Devil' which must be huge judging by the bones with which Malor decorates their transport ship (though apparently Targs can grow to the size of a small elephant if Bargh's pet is anything to go by), and connecting to our time, they can expect Ferengi calling to scam them on their Communicators just like junk mail or phone scams now, since that's an excuse Ma'ah uses not to talk to Mariner.

There was some beautiful imagery in the opening titles with dawn or dusk shots of Ma'ah's farm (and as ever the Cerritos looks superb on Blu-ray, the little we see of it), but my favourite moment was a brief establishing shot of the Oversight Council Chambers where a couple of hover-bikes have an altercation and one shouts "Experience bIj!" and the other replies "You experience bIj!" a deep-cut if ever there was one that even I, a decades-long viewer and ponderer on Trek lore, would never have known about if not for a podcast about this interactive video board game from the 90s - the ridiculousness of the situation, its brevity and the obscurity of the Trekference all combine to craft a perfect moment of humour. I can't really say the episode was particularly funny in the main - they did get that formalised way of speaking Klingons always had, epitomised by Ma'ah, but then they undercut it with his brother who has none of the ways of Klingons about him in dress, speech or attitude (Malor played by Sam Witwer, a genre veteran of such things as 'Battlestar Galactica' and 'Smallville,' whom had played a Xindi Sloth on 'Enterprise' and has dual roles here since he's also Legnog the honoured taster in Migleemo's story). I wonder if they meant to make the brothers look like Matt and Jeff Hardy, the famous wrestlers, or it's a coincidence? Ma'ah is the most Klingon of Klingons, very much a Worf type, though one who has lost his sense of direction and purpose thanks to previous events, so it's nice he succeeds, that's the Trek way: showing a problem and having characters work through it to inspire and impress. Also something too often lost in grim and miserable dystopian approaches seen in so much of modern Trek - that's one reason why this series works and feels more like good Trek.

It's not universal, however, there are still reasons why I wouldn't call this a good episode: as is so often the case on the series they continually annoy with the casual, contemporary speech, bleeped-out swearing and general lack of things making sense - somehow, joining together as four people means the 30,000 volts of electricity coursing through them will be 'equally spread'? I don't think that's how it works - anyone touching anyone else would be fried, and while the message of combining to defeat the task was Trekky, the scientific silliness doesn't work. In the same way, Captain Freeman claiming Starfleet lighting aboard its starships has been scientifically attuned to suit all living beings was unlikely at best, since with so many different races aboard there's no way they could anticipate everyone's exact needs and be able to match it. It's like if she claimed the temperature was designed to suit everyone, while Cardassians like it hot and Bajorans like it cool (or whatever). Of course she could have been making up stories to defend her ship against such objectionable guests, but then that makes her look weak if she feels the need to lie to counter people she dislikes. The worst thing was visual with Malor's burly Klingon chest quite visible yet not having the exoskeletal ridges we'd seen before (most famously on another brother: Kurn), something I'm sure I've complained about before on this series. The fact that even this series just won't be 100% pure Trek remains my irritation with it.

The B-story of Migleemo being visited by famous food critics of his race was a nice way to explore his culture since he's largely an unknown even five seasons in. I wasn't even aware his people were called the Klowahkans, for example, I'm not sure it had ever been mentioned before, but that's another example of this series at least trying to be Trek: you have a member of a 'new' species we've never encountered before and over time you explore them little by little, the cultures part of the interest instead of all aliens sounding and behaving like humans which happens far too often in modern Trek (another area where 'LD' tends to do a little better, for all its faults). This series is skewed comedically so the other races tend to be over the top, such as Dr. T'Ana looking exactly like a moth-eaten cat rather than the more noble example of M'Ress from 'TAS,' Shaxs as a very extreme version of a Bajoran who also has very tender feelings, Tendi as an example of an Orion (even in a bit role here her culture is nicely integrated: assassin skills mean she's expert at chopping veg!), and Migleemo who appears to be a humanoid budgie, so it's usually feather jokes or birdseed, the kind of simple, obvious humour that can work because we're immediately in on it, having the same conception of birds or whatever they can play on, but which used to come from our accumulated knowledge of Trek's worlds and races, something which encouraged the audience to invest in the more they saw, in turn giving them an insider perspective, too often lost in modern Trek as it tried so hard to appeal to casual viewers who'd never become the collectors and avid followers of a devoted fanbase (but I could go on for hours about the wrongheaded approach to most genre attempts to appeal instead of having a vision and believing its high quality and uniqueness would ensure viewership).

Migleemo's story is basic, he's feeling like an outsider to his own, partly due to his lack of certainty about his chosen path, and partly down to the visiting dignitaries' snobbery, which seems to be a trait of his kind, though he's always been different - again, a great Trek trope that the outsiders in a group tend to get drawn to Starfleet where their uniqueness will be added to the rich pot of stew (so they do have more in common with the Borg than we think - both want biological and technological distinctiveness to be added to their own, only in the Federation's case it's so they can excel, while in the Borg's it's about falling into faceless line). Migleemo's just a nice guy whom they've used quite nicely over the course of the series, often representing positivity, so we're automatically on his side against these unpleasant visitors, and it's a treat to go to his homeworld (or nestworld as the caption has it for Klowahka), and of course his insight and training in psychology comes into play to earn the respect of these tasters who were only really covering up their own defects - there's a deft connection between the two stories when Boimler reads that these tasters had given the Cerritos' Replicators two stars (ironically what I'm giving this episode, but it's not because I've lost my sense of taste regarding Trek, quite the opposite!), not strictly necessary, but appreciated - I always loved it when the various subplots matched up or paralleled in some way, and since this is only a 27-minute production it's about all they could do in the time they had to wrap up.

I'll say it again: this isn't a bad episode, one of the better ones so far this season I'd say, which a few years ago I'd be celebrating just for not being bad as I found it hard to like the series in Season 1, but I've seen a lot better. I don't need it to be funny, and I like the Trekferences that are done well (Malor thinking he's dying and claims he sees Kahless, the original one - there was a whole 'TNG' episode about there being a clone version created to further Klingon religious beliefs, and I couldn't quite hear his last line, but it sounded something like not the one who did impressions, so a reference back to 'TOS' and the Excalbian recreation?), but I've never really thought much of the wackiness - Mariner striding in and throwing out swearwords, Boimler screaming or being thrown about, that kind of thing. I like the characters, but I like them when they're being serious. Boimler's line about loving Klingon bureaucratic minutiae works, as does the various rituals they use to challenge Ma'ah's position or that are used against them. It doesn't make much sense that someone could conscript someone of high rank, like Bargh, but the idea of Klingons reeling out obscure precedents like legal traps is amusing since they're usually so dismissive of words and documents, but is also so true to their conflicted culture. The way they get out of their difficulty at the end wasn't so clever, nor was the gory killing of Bargh - true as it is to their ways we didn't need to see so much blood (pink as it was!), and while you can see they're just following the logical trope that Klingon problems = solved by killing, it does remind us the series didn't have pretensions much beyond replaying tropes and making us point and chuckle when they could do good, original stuff when they wanted to.

Credit must go to Jon Curry for being one of the most Klingon Klingons since 'DS9' (enjoyed his literal understanding of Mariner's invented human custom of 'unreturned favours' and how she'd be fed to a bear if she didn't follow through, to which his reply is it's better she trains to fight the bear - very Klingon!), and this wouldn't be his final appearance in the series. Colton Dunn as Bargh was also good, and he'd previously voiced Dorg in 'wej Duj' (Dorg and Bargh... are they secretly sending us the message that he was a... Borg?). Some of the main cast who didn't appear got to voice other characters, as is often the case, and I do believe it's sensible they don't feel the need to show every main cast member every episode just for the sake of it, and they also tend to reuse a lot of voice artists, so this time Jess Harnell reprised K'orin, the Klingon General from 'Envoys' and old friend of Mariner, and played a couple of other characters, too (and had done so before in that previous episode), and I already mentioned Trek guests Mary Chieffo and Sam Witwer. We just haven't had any big Trek characters returning yet this season, though that, too, would be remedied. At least the title was a literary reference this time rather than a strictly pop culture one (though I still think they could come up with better and more Trek-centric ones).

**

The Best Exotic Nanite Hotel

 Blu-ray, Lower Decks S5 (The Best Exotic Nanite Hotel)

Going from some of the best episodes of not just 'DS9,' but Trek itself (the seven-episode station occupation serial), to... this... I know modern Trek wanted to be all things to all people, all flavours, etc, it does stick out how vastly dissimilar Trek made in this century, or at least this past decade, has been. And I know which I prefer. So while we can have absolute classic stories of great character and writing from all those years back, we also have this current stuff, or fluff, a bit like going from playing 'The Legend of Zelda: Breath of The Wild' to some squarely average game, as I also did earlier in the year - whatever comes after is not going to hold up. But even if you take 'DS9' out of the equation this is not one of the starring instalments of the series. I have zero interest in the soapy Mariner subplot about her trials with Jennifer (it even irks me that an Andorian would be called Jennifer), although at least this story writes that character out of the series for good. And it's true that if you remove that C-plot from the episode there's some passable interplay in the other two subplots, but they're also pretty slight.

I think one thing that irritates, and has done throughout this era of Trek from the first season of 'DSC' where they had to mention The Beatles, to countless other examples, is their insistence in ingratiating themselves with whomever they assume is the audience these days by referencing pop culture rather than just Trek culture. The title itself is a play on the film(s), 'The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel,' and I suppose you could draw some kind of parallel with the AWOL Admiral being an old man, and it does take place on an interstellar cruise ship which is basically a holiday resort, but otherwise it seems designed to make people point at the title with some kind of joyful recognition, and little else, whereas for me it takes me out of it. The bigger reference is obviously 'Apocalypse Now' (and perhaps if we're generous, 'Heart of Darkness,' the story it was based on - with a side order of 'The Blob'). It's not a film (or story), I love, so it doesn't win any points for that. I didn't think it quite made sense, either, since why would an Admiral have a ship in order to go and milk 'space whales' in the first place, that's not what Admirals do. Checking back on the line it could be inferred he was talking about earlier in his career when he was a Captain, but then why wait until he'd become Admiral to rebel? I also always find it such a typically modern attitude to Starfleet duty and life in general when a character complains of boredom. It's a state of mind, while Trek's supposed to be inspirational, full of the kind of exploration and joy of discovery that made it seem so optimistic and adventurous and why the best of the best applied in the first place!

Okay, so the Admiral's point was he didn't get to do exciting missions, but it all reminded me of that stupid scene in 'Beyond' where 'Kirk' (or the modern facsimile of a character called Kirk), suggests every day blends together in space and is basically saying the same thing: it's a boring day job most of the time. Indulgent rubbish for the younger generation who expect to be stimulated at all times rather than putting their own minds to it. They could have pulled it back a bit by connecting with the trope of Admirals being behind a desk and emphasising that side, which can be valid (again, just having seen Sisko restricted to desk work with Admiral Ross and his yearning to go back into the field with his crew as opposed to the greater number of lives his decisions are having on the war effort is just one example of how much more complexity there was in that series), and we've seen so many of the rank behave badly that it's ripe ground for exploration, even on the surface-level jokey style of this series. I did quite enjoy the three 'bros,' Ransom, Billups and Boimler on a mission together, it's the kind of thing Trek would do as a series progressed, pairing up some characters you don't necessarily see together all that much. The gag about Billups wanting to be called 'Gilbert,' while Ransom says he should have a more 'normal' alias like Zandy, was fun, as was Boimler's reference to being a canary (from Manhaver's concern Ransom treats his subordinates cavalierly and experimentally, like sending the canary into the coal mine in case of poisonous gas or lack of oxygen), which was also used well, Billups assuming it's because it's hard to think of an animal that skis! (Later hilarious when Boimler pleads he's not the canary and they agree with him even though they haven't a clue what he's talking about).

They can always come up with the kind of lines you'd never find elsewhere in Trek (like one of the Admiral's acolytes who voices the fact they can't get hold of Boimler who'd rubbed suncream all over himself: "It's like trying to grab a string bean"), but it's also nice to see Boimler's perceived deficiencies (being skinny and hyper-prepared), as useful in certain situations, though the joke about them wanting him along for the undercover operation because he's good at crawling through ducts seems more like a 'Mission: Impossible' joke, even if Trek characters were forever crawling through such spaces. Ransom claiming Boimler's a capable, prepared officer to an unhealthy degree is too true, but the fact Boimler's so delighted he noticed says everything about the character! Just a shame he's looking so scruffy with his 'arc' of growing the alternate dimension Boimler's beard at an early stage. The true arc of the season is of course the inter-dimensional fissures, so I did enjoy the connection to the Nanites' story here, which made that more palatable - otherwise it didn't make sense that these computer creatures would dash around in a glob, sucking up everything, but you just put it down to the typical zaniness of the series and try not to take it too seriously.

At least there was some kind of rationale for it with this alternate dimension Intrepid-class starship from a microscopic reality, trapped within the glob and trying to get enough energy to create a portal back home. Obviously they're doing a lot of 'Voyager' callbacks with the ship trying to get home and saying it's been a 'month of Hell' (rather than the temporal year of Hell Voyager was trapped in), and it neatly tied up the other story with the Admiral's new mission to focus on getting this ship home (even if he should be court-martialled in reality!). 'Evolution,' the 'TNG' episode that introduced Nanites, wasn't one of the best (especially as a season opener - people often forget that the season the series found its footing and became good, began with such a dreary episode!), and Nanites certainly weren't required again, but it's exactly the kind of one-episode wonder concept 'LD' likes to toy with, so no surprises there.

In case anyone watching was concerned 'LD' only Trekferences the old series' (other than poking fun at the ridiculousness of such things as 'DSC' or the Kelvin Timeline films), they do throw in Boimler's mention of the Gormagander as an example of a 'space whale' (though he follows it up with a Trekference to 'those Galaxy's child things' - a bit too on the nose, as we've seen before when Mariner's mentioned actual episode titles, though at least you can rationalise it as either the official, or casual, designation given to the creatures in 'Galaxy's Child'), and he's clearly thinking of it joyfully, so 'LD' doesn't actually hate 'DSC' (how could they, it provided so much for the series to laugh at!). The big Trekference of the piece was finally showing us what Gallamites look like after all that talk from Jadzia in 'DS9' about Captain Boday and his transparent skull - I wasn't too impressed with the design. I know it's only a gag, but if you're going to show something that had existed only in the imagination of fans for decades you need to put some serious thought into it. I feel they should have considered how Michael Westmore might have achieved the look in makeup and prosthetics - I know it's only my imaginings, but I always felt they'd have quite long, skeletal, humanoid faces, but with pretty much entirely transparent heads, while here they were just grey, Clayface shark monsters with a little brain dome on top. But that's the thing, it's never going to satisfy everyone which makes you wonder if it was a good idea to even try, especially as it was merely a throwaway visual gag.

Fun to see the Kreetassens from 'Enterprise' again, though you'd have to wonder how they would even end up on a facility that contained other races when by this time they'd know every other race has no problem eating in public. The joke worked in 'Enterprise' because neither the Kreetassens nor humans had ever heard of the other, or met before, so such extreme cultural offence would be natural. Not so two hundred years later, you would think... While I'm nitpicking, I didn't understand Krog's admission he was a big fan when addressing T'Lyn's work. Did he mean Vulcans in general since he's taken on some of their philosophy? Otherwise it's a little hard to believe (even in an episode about a giant Nanite cluster barrelling around a resort, I like things to make sense!). I do find myself hearing the other actors when they do voices for guest characters, such as Marcus Henderson who returned as his usual Jet Manhaver, but also played Krog, or Dawnn Lewis as the Kreetassen woman - granted there's not a lot of Captain Freeman in the episode, so maybe that's why they give people a little something extra to do? I think on the whole the episode was rather disappointing, like they're not really using the little time they have left very well, and I come away feeling they're on a downward curve this final season.

**