The Groupie

DVD, Starsky & Hutch S4 (The Groupie) (2)

Probably the worst episode of the series, and if not the worst, definitely one of the worst, for its ridiculousness, low stakes and general boredom. There really is very little going on with this one, so little that it's hard to think of things to write about it! Coming so soon after the parody of 'Dandruff' might make it seem worse, but in truth, it doesn't matter where in the season they produced it, it has no redeeming features. Once again S&H are going undercover, but although they stay in character much of the time, it's not like 'Dandruff' where the zaniness goes from level to level, it just plateaus at extremely hammy, not enough to cause amusement, yet also so silly that you can't believe these guys are detectives on a case. Hutch resumes his nasally persona, this time as a fashion buyer, decked out in ugly outfit, thick glasses and swept hair, clumsy mannerisms, facial tics, the whole acting-class gig, with the alias Jack Ives and the motto 'money talks, or take a walk.' He somehow keeps up this persona around people that actually believe it, though the other characters are much more down-to-earth types compared with 'Dandruff.' Starsky is back to his florid, indeterminate European accent, an 'artist,' violently brandishing a camera, throwing himself about like some crazed Ferengi in the guise of 'Mr. Renaldo.' The balance is more weighted towards Hutch, Starsky's role more of an afterthought as they try to… I don't know, infiltrate Anne Lock Fashions, the company which is being particularly competitive?

I couldn't really follow the story, but I'm not sure if it was because it was being told incoherently or I was put off by alternating scenes of clownish behaviour and dry, expositive ones. The fact that it's expensive clothes that are on the line (sixty to seventy G's worth of Russian sable, for example, as the thief at the beginning explains to his lackey for our benefit), means it's hard to care, and although they attempt to up the stakes by having a representative of the manufacturers, Mr. Marks, explain to S&H with Dobey's backing how important this is to the industry and the country as a whole, it fails miserably - S&H aren't even taking the 'threat' seriously, so why should the viewer? Things improve slightly when Melinda Rogers, the groupie of the title, switches sides to S&H after Hutch has explained she'll be going down if she doesn't (and because he uses his 'charm' on her), after she'd previously aided and abetted her boss, Jack Parker by distracting a security guard. Parker's partner, Sears, overhears her reporting in and then S&H have to save her, but it's still pretty weak. The idea of this woman who's attracted to police was a poor one to base an episode around, and the feeble comedy doesn't raise a laugh - about the only amusing moment was Mr. Marks' coldest fish of a handshake to both S&H, after which they give each other a solid, manly one as if to see it done properly.

Even with both Dobey and Huggy sharing a few scenes with S&H through the episode, it doesn't improve, and remains obstinately bizarre: a man at The Pits recognises Hutch and blows his cover in front of Melinda so he shrugs it off by suggesting there's supposed to be a double of all of us somewhere. How weak an excuse can you get? Then (and this was actually quite funny for the extreme wackiness), Starsky, to gain entry into Melinda's cabin aboard the ship where the Anchors Aweigh party is taking place to show off the company's swimwear, gobbles like a turkey until Sears opens up to see what all the noise is! It's like they were trying to think of the most crazy things possible. Hutch even swings across the stage at the show like Tarzan, emitting a suitable wail as he does so!

There are familiar tropes to at least remind us that we're watching the right series, so we get Hutch knocking Parker into a pool and landing on top of him at the end, as you'd expect; there's the scene with their rivals, Federal agents they don't like where they have a sneer contest; and Starsky does his trick of popping up to draw the baddie's fire, his antics lasting until the gun's empty. In a strange reverse of the usual attempt S&H make in competition to get the girl, this time Hutch lets her down gently before realising she's going to dinner with Starsky in the final, odd scene of the episode. I could say that at least it has something to do with the episode, except for once it would have been better if it hadn't, considering the quality of the rest of it! The pop culture references stretch from Starsky mentioning he's shooting a cover for Vogue, Hutch doing a line from the musical when Anchors Aweigh is mentioned as the name of the fashion show party, and even Dobey getting in on the act, saying the strange phone call from Melinda sounded like she overdosed on some James Bond film. And Parker, in secret meeting with Sears in a concession, pretends to study a Charlie Brown card! The concession they meet in is advertising Halloween cards, and since it's a real shop, not a set, there's no doubt as to the period they were shooting, which is a small nugget of interesting detail.

If there is a saving grace to the episode it's the fun of spotting how many returning faces from the series show up, because there are a few here: the big one is obviously Robert Loggia as Jack Parker, who shares the accolade of being one of only two people to have more than one 'Special Guest Star' credit to his name (the other being Michele Carey) - there were other Special Guest Stars that appeared in more than one episode, but they only got the credit on one of their roles. Loggia had previously been in 'The Fix,' and brings a small amount of gravitas to the episode, despite the Seventies medallion, open shirt and massive collar, since, although he's the main villain, he isn't in it all that much, the groupie of the title taking the limelight. His partner in crime, Sears, was played by John Ashton, who'd been Willits in 'The Committee.' The other double-act, the Feds, consisting of Bill Walters (David Knapp), and Ed Ohlin (Arthur Roberts), both had previous: Knapp was Assistant District Attorney Sims in 'Nightmare,' and Roberts (under the name Arthur David Roberts - I'm assuming they were the same guy), was White in 'Losing Streak.' To round out the comebacks, Will Walker (the man at The Pits), had been in 'Deckwatch,' and Marianne Bunch (Barbara, a model and friend of Melinda's), was Tina in the 'Murder At Sea' two-parter. Ironic, considering they filmed on a ship again - I wonder if it was the same one, but then these cruise ships probably all look alike. Before I even twigged they were aboard a ship I was thinking the cabin looked oddly similar to one in 'Murder At Sea,' so it is possible.

Though I could suggest the whole episode was at fault, specifically I would call attention to the fact that the same swimming costumes parading in front of the goggling Hutch, keep repeating instead of being new ones. And I know Harold, from the Switzer Protection Agency, was a bit dim, but surely even he would notice the large glass jar full of bullets in Melinda's place, a warning repository of what she'd taken from previous conquests? Mind you, he was pretty dopey, and probably, discounting the extremely eccentric portrayal of the characters S&H were playing, counts as the only crazy character of the episode, which further isolates S&H's performances, instead of sticking them among a bunch of wackos as 'Dandruff' did. You could also count the girl Starsky photographs so floridly, but she barely had a role, and was rather a tool to show off Starsky's most gratuitously arty pastiche ever, whirling around on the floor, wielding his camera as if it were a sparkler while the model dances round him, dress flowing like some art installation. If it had gone on much longer I can imagine him slinging the camera around his head by the strap! Melinda was a bit wacky, what with her penchant for policemen, and her large dog called Fosdick, but she seemed relatively sane next to the burbling, squinting, floppy-haired Hutch.

The trouble is, the episode is nothing more than a chance to parade swimwear models around, while Hutch gawks. I'm sure David Soul enjoyed himself, but it doesn't make for anything like a worthwhile episode for the viewer - even Huggy points out that Hutch knows how to pick a corny cover. S&H's undercover roles had stepped too far over the line into utter parody, the series had lost control of its comedic desire, and when you consider that such a hard-hitting episode as 'Black and Blue' came between this and 'Dandruff' it's like they're two different TV shows! Ordinarily I like a bit of variety to show that a series can stretch itself into various genres (some of the 'Star Trek' series' were adept at this), and it's a hallmark of 'Starsky & Hutch,' always had been. But by any definition they had gone too far. 'Dandruff' tripped over the line and 'The Groupie,' unappealing in comparison, went sprawling face-first. About the only good thing to come out of it is when we hear Hutch admit to Mr. Marks how much he earns a year: $22,000. Facts like that are fun, this episode is not.

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