Static

DVD, Smallville S6 (Static)

Lex has upgraded his security so that in seconds of a 'code 142' a team of black ops types can be suited, booted and close enough to rush into his room and escort he and Lana off to the panic room. What do they do all day, hide in a cupboard? That melodramatic style permeated the episode and in a throwback to the freak-of-the-week stories Lex gets kidnapped again. Yes, that's right. Again. It was about time he improved his security since so many enemies have burst into the mansion over the years and very little ever seems to stop them, despite the countless otherworldly or superhuman characters he's had to fend off. Even with the knowledge of these people, even running the 'clinic' on floor 33.1, his security measures are still too weak to prevent his capture. The catch this time is that he's trapped in the very room in the mansion he first disappears, but it's on a different radio frequency. I was happy to run with that, but even at that early stage I was put off by the static effect which looked basic and uninventive.

The 'clever' story twist is that Clark is called away on more important matters when a boatload of people are reduced to lumps of meat - apparently one of the Zoners is feeding on their bones. Okay, so they're rich in calcium and the eventual culprit enjoyed showing off his full set of teeth, but it's weird he was eating the bone and leaving the meat. He's alien so that explains everything. Except it doesn't, because although we find out he was one of those released from the Phantom Zone, he isn't affected by Clark's crystal doodad and wasn't a Phantom. So what was he? No answer, of course.

I can't believe Chloe was going on at Clark for hunting down the Zoner when Lex had gone missing. All the things Lex has done, all the lies he's spun, people still care what happens to him. I know Chloe wants to support Lana who has certainly has developed a love for him as we can judge by her over the top wailing about how much she loves him and how she doesn't care about the previous lies and that she's pregnant and none of the bad times matter, blah, blah, blah (bleugh!). Even so, they sweep everything that's happened previously conveniently under the carpet. Maybe it's Lana's fault as it's exactly the kind of thing that used to happen between her and Clark. At least Clark didn't say he'd always tell her everything while keeping his dark secrets!

So I was fed up with some of the characters and their carousel of deceit and forgiveness, but I also failed to get excited about Clark's big away mission to track down and halt the Zoner. The gruesome discoveries weren't shown much, but the bags of flesh were quite gross. The mood of the story was completely lost thanks to the bright dockside, sun shining down. There were few shadowy moments and Clark just became so easily overwhelmed that he looked weak and helpless. Yet because there was no explanation of the ogre man, he came across as not important to the story. So Clark's beaten by an inconsequential wrestler who then dies mysteriously when another Zoner kills him. This was supposed to provoke mystery and it succeeded, but the only hint we get about this dark figure is that he drops coffee creams around and had obviously dropped in on Clark's barn. Clark's distant reaction to Chloe and retort that she doesn't need to know everything seemed forced and there were a lot of unsatisfying endings.

One of the worst things about the episode is how easily the real Lionel slips out, dropping in to erase Chloe's hard drive at the Planet in his long black coat, back to his old ways. Incidentally, Lionel dismisses the freaks saying Chloe's not in high school any more, but I'm sure they both had enough encounters with such people that they both knew very well they existed beyond all doubt! There's no subtle shift or cleverly disguised operating, and the same when he's with Lex at the end. It was obvious he'd moved the 33.1 lab, the big experimentation project on meteor freaks that we've heard of since Season 4 when that gambler guy was brought in by Lex, but once again we're fobbed off. Like in 'Jitters' the whole operation had been tidied, aged and the static guy is 'proved' to be delusional. Surely people would be quicker to believe such a thing existed and was moved due to their similar experiences in the past, but from episode to episode their memories, and perhaps those of the writer's, are selective.

More worrying is Lana's acceptance of Lex' lies and that even if 33.1 was real she would see the need for it, setting up a bit more nastiness to her character. Long gone is the sweet and pleasant Lana, changed into this person with some kind of behavioural problem, going from one thing to the next. I don't think it's helped her character to be isolated for the most part from any other storyline except Lex. Granted, the feeling of community so ably built up in the early seasons fast diminished with each passing year, but I still forget sometimes how far the quality of the storytelling has fallen thanks to great new additions like Green Arrow (who unsurprisingly for a duff episode, doesn't appear, and neither do Lois and Martha).

Lionel wants in on the meteor freak action, something Clark would be horrified to discover, Lex asks Lana to marry him (after dramatically murdering static boy not long before), and in one of the most stupid points of the episode, it's all resolved by Jimmy Olsen. It's not him that's the problem, but he talks about radio waves being the thing before the internet, yet he's not old enough to remember a time before the internet, assuming he's around the same age as the other characters. The absolute worst moment is when he manages to restore Lex, Lana and static boy to the correct 'frequency' using a bunch of old radio equipment. I can believe in the Kryptonite giving someone the power to zip between frequencies, but to have it resolved with some old radio junk was utterly stupid. That about sums up the episode.

**