Nightmare

DVD, Starsky & Hutch S2 (Nightmare)

'Nightmare'? A dream is more like it! This is the first episode that scores on every level it plays at: good performances from both the regulars and guest actors (with a tour de force from Diana Scarwid as Lisa Graham); desperate villains that provoke feelings of tension; enough violence to aid the imagination; difficult quandaries and commentary on legality versus freedoms; and a strong central theme of growing up. It scores in creating tension, making us care about the guest characters, and touching on raw nerves, and is the most complex and enjoyable, affecting and intelligent episode of the series to this point, and bearing in mind they rarely equalled this level of quality and it doesn't get any better than this, it's an episode that stands out in a season that was the most successful, creatively and tonally.

As if to prepare us for an atypical episode from the usually action-driven, buddy stories of the series, we get our fill of comedy and action in the teaser (so good it was used again for the Season 3 episode 'The Crying Child,' incidentally, another story about an abused child). From the nostalgic conversation we find S&H having about Uncle Elmo's toyshop that Starsky so vividly remembers from his childhood this sets off the theme of the episode beautifully, but although the resolution to that particular search is to find that it's become an 'adult' toy store (furthering the theme of growing up, though this time with black humour), it quickly leads on to an exciting dash to a Laundromat that's being held up. Why do they take a shortcut instead of driving round there? To get the adrenaline going and to provide something different, as well as in setup for them being able to get in on the action in an undercover way. As discussed in the last review, 'Iron Mike,' the series could be expert at organised chaos, which is exactly what this sequence turns out to be - Hutch nonchalantly saunters into the place with most of Starsky's clothes, causing a diversion which leads to one of the men holding an old toothless woman hostage while Hutch struggles with the other hood, all the while the woman screaming and it's delightfully manic, enhanced by the echoing sound of the location. S&H are once again mistaken for the crooks when uniform turn up, and the final flourish is Starsky having to wait with a towel around him while his clothes are being washed!

Having got the expectations of the series out of the way, the real story begins, and it's not a happy one: a girl with learning difficulties, as we would say now, is tricked into boarding an empty bus so a no-good crook can rape and hurt her. It's such an awful thing, discouraging, terrible and shown to be such a simple thing for this guy, Nicholas John Manning, who turns out to be all mouth, not the big man he persuades his accomplice he is. That accomplice is only sticking with him because he promised when they got out of prison that he could get them in on all kinds of action and make money, but you get the feeling even at this early stage that Robert Emmet 'Mousy' Loomis is having second thoughts about his buddy. But they don't call him 'Mousy' for nothing, he's got no backbone and can't stand up to the laid-back cunning of Manning. Perhaps because of the frivolous opening, this crime hits harder, but what really gets you is the result on the poor young lady, Lisa, whose birthday it is. And a memorable birthday it proves to be, for all the wrong reasons.

Lisa is 'special' as Hutch calls her in a conversation with her Mother, Mitzi, at the end, being nineteen, but with the mind of a ten-year old. How accurate that description is I'm not sure (she seems younger than ten), as it was stated by Assistant District Attorney Sims in his pre-trial hearing to see if she could take a court appearance, and he's clearly shown to lack tact or thoughtfulness for her wellbeing - he's accused by S&H of refusing to allow the case to be tried because he's more interested in his win/loss ratio than what's best for Lisa, although he was shown to be partly correct that open court and the harsh questions therein would have had a debilitating effect on Lisa who was easily confused. I don't know what the rules are regarding persons of lesser developed minds today, but I must believe progression has been made in how they are treated in such threatening situations as court. One thing that would definitely be different now is the way she was treated after the ordeal: the hospital sends her home, recommending she continue with her party and try to keep things as normal as possible.

That's all very well, and at first the distraction appears to work, but there's a hint of things to come in the car when Hutch and Lisa have a brief conversation in which Lisa wishes extreme pain on her attackers. Hutch's reasoning that he and Starsky couldn't beat up the pair however much they want to, because they wouldn't be any better than the criminals, sounds hollow in the face of what's happened to the girl, but he's right. Of course they don't know that the case won't go ahead at that point so it was easier for him to keep a clear head, but he and Starsky are attached to the family and care a great deal. I didn't notice any explanation of why they (and Captain Dobey for that matter, who was also invited to her party), are so connected to this particular family, but it may have been that Frank, the girl's Father, now deceased, was a police officer, and so they feel an obligation to the family, though I don't believe that was mentioned, it's just my impression. They've shown before that they have an affinity with children and an ability to understand and talk to them - Hutch is like a big brother; cool, with good advice, and ready to help, while Starsky is more fun and childlike himself, so he tends to connect on their level.

That the hospital sent Lisa home without any counselling or support beyond the assistance of a couple of off-duty police detectives who just happened to be friends of the family, is a sign of the times, I imagine. I'm sure now she would have been kept in for observation, would have been encouraged to talk through carefully and sensitively about her ordeal, and it wouldn't have been brushed aside as it seemed to be. The real reason she was sent home was for the story's sake so Manning could return to try and kill her, which certainly provided a punch of terror. But the real horror comes when her birthday cake is brought in and she sees the words 'big' and 'beautiful girl' and something clicks in her child's mind and she connects growing older with a loss of safety and security, shockingly resulting in her pounding the cake into mush and running upstairs with scissors in hand! It's all the more shocking because we've only seen her be quiet and reserved, but now we see the real mental damage Manning's physical attack had on her - more than the pain and fear of that moment seems to be the harsh realisation of her situation. But she's not yet lost all innocence as appears from the scissors: she doesn't run to her bedroom to self-harm - instead they find her cutting her hair, trying to be less beautiful and younger, and it's so sad to watch.

Lisa has more trouble to come, however: thanks to Sims' indelicate remarks at the pre-trial hearing Lisa finally understands her state of being. 'Mentally deficient' and 'mind of a child of ten' are phrases that stick with her and perhaps for the first time she sees herself from an outsider's perspective leading to a heartbreaking loss of control as she rushes from the courtroom and ends sobbing against a pillar, decrying herself and how her poor mama has to live with a ten-year old forever. It's a moment of insight, yet it comes from such a horrible sentiment - Sims is as much a bad guy as Manning and Loomis in that he has no apparent care for the victims, he remains coldly pragmatic - it's all just facts, figures and statistics to him. S&H are the opposite; they get involved both physically and emotionally in the case, already having an investment. And because they care so much, we care.

The story becomes more complex when issues such as the likelihood of success in prosecuting the criminals becomes a factor. The legal process is shown to be flawed in that, unlike S&H, it takes an unbending, cold and distant approach to justice, where their blood is hot and closeup. It's another age-old theme, and actually, their involvement in such issues has sometimes played against them, but as I've noted many times before, even when pushed by the most monstrous crimes they don't allow their personal feelings to dictate how they operate on a professional level. Saying that, the rules of the day mean that they can be rough with the 'suspects' if there's good cause - the most they could do legally was 'throw a scare into them,' something Dobey actually says! So they're careful to cause them problems, such as when they bring them in after a tipoff from Sam Greek and his Used Car Emporium, that they're coming to fence stolen items. Nowadays there would be the threat of being sued for unlawful levels of violence or harassment, but it seems things were different back then. Mind you, Mousy doesn't come quiet when they go to pick him up thanks to a tipoff from Huggy Bear - he shoots at them, giving them just cause to be rough when they do finally get their hands on him. Huggy tells them that 'the street' is with them on this one, so low is Manning's attack on a vulnerable girl, so there's even a touch of 'honour among thieves' coming through in this rich thematic material.

Although S&H hold themselves in check, they're not above taking out their anger if they can, and this time it takes all the bulk of Dobey to stop Starsky from hitting Sims after his uncaring demonstration, a bear hug from the Captain the only thing holding his man back, physical intervention not something we generally see from him! The Captain makes a concerted effort to be reasonable and keep a cool head as his men get angrier, even so far as giving them leeway: how else can you explain Starsky getting away with throwing a paper cup across his office with only a brief glare the result instead of the usual tongue-lashing. Dobey knows what S&H are going through, he's fond of Lisa too, and despite his gruff exterior, we know he's really as cuddly as the huge Panda soft toy he sends Lisa as a birthday present ("You know there's a saying about softhearted cops: they end up broke"). When they most need understanding Dobey will unbend a little, one of the reasons he's such a good superior officer - but he also needs to keep a tight rein most of the time because he knows S&H will take advantage of any laxity in rules!

On the other hand, Al Martin the loan shark, a new guy in town, doesn't have the same restrictions. When he starts laying into Manning as an aid to S&H's destruction we almost feel glad that such a bad guy is getting his comeuppance, even if it is from another bad guy. The suddenness of it is what shocks, and the way Manning is thrown around, looking like a rag doll with his gangly limbs and mop of hair. Mousy isn't going to support him, and scarpers, seeing his associate's power was all talk, and faced with the blunt violence of Martin, doesn't stand for anything. Later, Martin fully realises Manning was just hot air as well when S&H come for him the final time. One of the great things about the story is that good wins out, not by becoming vigilantes and fighting the criminals with their own weapons, but by appealing to a higher power, the DA, who listens and agrees to look at the case himself. It's a wonderful justification of S&H's efforts, right down to barging in on an important meeting from which he had every right to dismiss them, but doesn't, seeing their earnestness and knowing Sims well (even pointedly noting that they'd been through this with him before!), and it's such a great vindication. He made me think of Harvey Dent from 'The Dark Knight'!

The multiple issues are sensitively handled - justice and law; innocence; growing up, and it's such a satisfying episode, as this isn't always so. Sometimes the story has the potential to be powerful and doesn't fulfil it, other times it's just a basic cop story and doesn't even have that potential. So it's a joy to be able to see something that lives up to all that takes place. As the rest of the episode is somewhat different in style, it's fitting that it ends without a joke, just in a nice family atmosphere where Lisa and Starsky are playing on the floor with a train set (a comment on sexism, linked to a short conversation in the opening when a boy says that girls wouldn't be interested in train sets), accompanied by a dog from Huggy's Ark pet shop. It's so good to see an episode get everything right for once, whether that was the danger played so well with Manning breaking into Lisa's house (I thought she was going to leave the rocking chair rocking, but she was clever enough to stop it, though you're wondering if he'll see it), or the poignancy that is so strong, such as when Starsky says he hasn't seen Peter Pan in a long time, except when he sees Lisa, after his story about his childhood 'Doodle Town' and the little 'Doodle' people, and reflects on what a gift it would be to always be ten. Right winning out; the sadness of innocence violated; and the overwhelmingly positive and joyful feeling of the episode all binds together to make this the best and most rounded, though there's another that would knock on the door of that crown this season…

Being a different sort of episode it's light on those things I always look out for. Peter Pan is one reference (perhaps the most brilliantly used cultural reference on the series); Martin's wife, he says, thinks of him as Santa Claus; and Lisa sings 'He's Got The Whole World in His Hands.' I wasn't sure whether to include 'The Birthday Girl' song S&H and Mitzi sing to Lisa as they bring in the cake - presumably they didn't want to pay for 'Happy Birthday,' and I'm not sure if the song they do sing was an actual song or made up. Captain Dobey must have a thing about soft toys as I have a feeling he came in with one for his own daughter's birthday party in 'Captain Dobey, You're Dead!' (it may even have been a Panda, too!) - another connection with that episode is when Manning tries to break in through the door, and just as Mrs. Dobey attacked the hand coming through, Lisa does too, only this time she flings a pot of hot coffee at him! When Mousy questions the right S&H have to treat him as they do when arresting him, Starsky claims it's 'sweet justice,' and I was thinking that was the title of the last ever episode of the series, but it was actually 'Sweet Revenge.' I was probably getting two titles confused as there's another one in Season 4 called 'Strange Justice'! Starsky or Hutch sometimes stand or walk over each other's cars, and this time it's Starsky standing on the back of his Torino to peer over a fence. And Hutch does his signature takedown of leaping onto a car bonnet before hurling himself at the fleeing villain!

The fact that a stuntman was used for the sequences involving any great damage to Manning or Mousy is glaring since he wore a ridiculous wig that looked only passingly like the floppy-haired baddies. You'd think they could have gone to a little more effort, though as usual, I suppose the argument of smaller TVs and less chance of repeat viewings was a factor - it's definitely the actor when S&H drag Mousy off the rooftop and they're pretty rough then! I loved the remarkable twisting pull on Manning's leg when S&H burst into Lisa's house to flip him round in mid-air on the staircase, so violent that a piece of the banister, or something, breaks off, although again, the wig of the stuntman was painfully obvious! There are a couple of questions surrounding Mitzi: didn't she drum the message of not speaking to strangers into Lisa's head? I know times were different then, and if Lisa's advanced enough to be out alone to visit the library or catch a bus, she was probably felt to be safe, plus she was probably caught up in the joy of her birthday. Also, you'd think Mitzi would have noticed a shady man hanging about behind the thin bush, but then again she had a lot on her mind.

It's interesting from a historical perspective to see the kind of toys they had at toyshops in those days, but I find it unlikely that the doll (Lisa calls Suzie), would have been filled with water in the shop, so that when Starsky lifts her arm and she wets, he wouldn't have got a damp hand, unless that particular one was a display item, though it did look partially wrapped. And he also has more door handle trouble, missing it on first grab when he and Hutch leave Dobey's office - it's the way he so violently reaches for it without looking that does it. If you get it right, you look cool, but if you fumble it's not so slick! And finally, Huggy seems to have settled to a new business. His 'Huggy's Ark' pet shop I was expecting to be a venture he was 'looking after for a cousin,' but nothing of that sort was mentioned, and it had Huggy's name written on the front. What's the betting it doesn't make it into another episode? It seemed cruel to have that little doggy in the window, but I suppose without such things we'd never have got the famous song. Oh, and after featuring a 'Star Trek' actor in 'Iron Mike' (Marc Alaimo), we get another one in Gerrit Graham, later to play Quinn, a member of the Q in 'Voyager' episode 'Death Wish' around twenty years later.

****

Iron Mike

DVD, Starsky & Hutch S2 (Iron Mike)

'Iron' Mike Ferguson, that's who this episode is about, and this time there's no confusion from the title! Mike is a police Captain, so… that would make him the same rank as Dobey, right? So why is Dobey in charge of the police in this city, or have I got the wrong end of the stick, and Dobey's actually only head of a department in which S&H serve? I don't understand how American police forces work, but Iron Mike coming onto the scene didn't help me! If Mike's a Captain (he is), and has carried out his own methods (he has), while being part of the city's force, why do S&H say they haven't seen him in a year? If he was so well known you'd think they'd always be bumping into him, unless he was working in a different city, but then that wouldn't make sense as he then wouldn't have much use for the intelligence of Matt Coyle. Unless Coyle had recently moved from another city, too, which doesn't appear to be the case or it would have been mentioned. I was interested that S&H say they haven't seen him in a year, and then to find that Michael Conrad who played Mike, had been in Season 1. Not only that, but he was in the pilot episode, though I couldn't remember if he'd played the same character as it wasn't named in the credits. Going back to that episode I discovered he didn't play Iron Mike, which would have been some great continuity, but one of the two assassins - in fact he was the first actor to speak on the series!

Iron Mike is set up quite well in this episode as a tough cop with a hands-on approach. It's never explained why he gets his hands dirty when he could be sitting behind a desk like Dobey, but maybe it's each Captain's prerogative how much they get involved physically, as we've seen Dobey out of the office a number of times, generally on important busts. What was really lacking from the episode was confirmation of Mike and Dobey's friendship, which puts a damper on S&H's suspicions about the man - if we could have heard about Mike before, as we did Dobey's partner in another episode, or had more of a sense of that friendship, the episode would have had a stronger central premise. Dobey stands up for Mike and his methods over his men's words, even saying he was his best friend. And once Mike knows S&H are suspicious of him the tension goes up, especially when he jokingly (if sinisterly), asks if they think he's setting them up when they have orders to round up the escapees from the Darcy's department store holdup. If only that feeling of danger could have been better integrated into the story, along with Dobey's staunch defence, this could have been a much improved episode.

As it is, it may as well have been called 'Irish Matt Coyle,' since Iron Mike is offed unceremoniously about halfway through, and it becomes all about the slimy and villainous Coyle. Why build up this Mike as so important, and then kill him off, especially when it doesn't lead to more trouble for S&H, they just move on to the real villain. I felt Mike was wasted, and was a character worth exploring more (even if he didn't look so threatening in a cardigan!). Coyle was an interesting opponent, and S&H's infiltration of his organisation was clever, working it so that Johnny Lonigan, Coyle's righthand man, would be thrown to them in exchange for their taking the place of Iron Mike in supposedly being on Coyle's side, allowing him to operate unhindered. There was a good theme to be explored in Coyle's (and presumably Mike's), belief that allowing Coyle to do what he wanted was acceptable if he gave them the 'low-life' criminals, rapists, and violent men whose removal from the streets would make the city better. Coyle is allowed to think he's above the law, as long as he does his part in keeping the streets clean. But S&H don't play God with that law: Coyle's as guilty as the other offenders, and the injustice of him being able to get away with all kinds of things is what spurs S&H to get him.

Coyle is shown to be a complete fraud. He spins a sorry tale of a difficult life in Ireland, but in fact the accent is complete affectation; he's playing a role. He has no qualms about courting Johnny's wife, and when she shows some intimations of threatening him to get herself a bracelet, he's quick to inflict pain: no one pushes Coyle around and gets away with it. A complex villain is good for a story, and Coyle was one worth coming back for - even at the end when a prison sentence is inevitable, he's threatening that he'll be out one day. He just can't accept things not going his way, and thanks to people like Mike, he's been spoiled. Not that Mike liked him, he was as unhappy with the position he was in as anyone, but felt it necessary to get results, which he did. S&H also get results after following a tipoff from Coyle, leading Dobey to suggest they could be up for promotions, though it doesn't happen in the end. It shows them being heroic in a different way, because the temptation could have been strong for them to take Mike's lead and carry on using Coyle to improve their careers, as he had done. If it was good enough for him, they could argue… But when it comes to justice, S&H are pure, and they hate wrongdoers. They were never going to give in to something like that when they know that they work hard and well together.

That statement that they can always depend on each other is one of the things that makes me side more on the 'negative' view of the city for this one. It goes right back to the pilot in that regard, when they said they could only trust each other, and has been spoken a few times, and unspoken many others. It's not that the episode tended to deal with the gutter of the city, although we see back streets and rough areas, crooked opulence is as much in evidence thanks to Coyle's office (which looks strikingly like most of the other bad guy offices we've seen before, though the carpet was orange this time, not red!), and the glamourous apartment. Despite the impression I had that this episode was closer to the negative, it was funnier than I remembered, beginning with a slapstick, and, er… slap-voice (?) scene. I don't know any other way to describe this style of chaos that's produced sometimes on the series, in this case Starsky shouting at a Chinese chef called Harry at this restaurant, as Hutch gets bustled around the kitchen, the waiters shouting orders, Harry shouting who knows what, until the cacophony of noise turns into S&H getting bundled over to the door. It's crazy and manic, but it's nothing compared to the moment Starsky gets pushed out into the restaurant to collide with a waiter carrying, as expected, a full tray of food (maybe something else I should add to the usual list of observations since it happens so often!), Hutch hurriedly dragging him back in by the leg, as waiters force their way out amid continuous noise (I'd love to know what the waiter said to Coyle in Chinese when he asks what the commotion was about)!

Or the moment Hutch has to stand on Starsky in order to peer over a high fence at Mike meeting Matt in a car park. The final scene also features great comedy as Starsky beats Hutch at chess having just learned to play, the punchline being his strategy, which was similar to Ferguson's Law ('give a little, get a lot'), although Starsky's Law is 'talk a little, win a lot.' That last scene, as good as it was (and it was good), showed up another of the episode's flaws on top of Mike not being well enough explored, Dobey's friendship not made more of, and the episode being about Coyle: it's a flippant conclusion to some serious subjects that doesn't satisfy our questions. Did Coyle get a long sentence? How did Dobey react to what had happened? Did he still refuse to point the finger at Mike, or was there going to be some kind of investigation? These questions and more should have been given the time they needed, even if it was just a scene of reconciliation between S&H and Dobey. What we get is a lighthearted, offhand conversation that maybe Mike wasn't so bad. He was accepting bribes, even if it was information, not dollars!

If Dobey's role in the episode could, and should have been expanded, Huggy did get to be in it, at least. He may have been wearing an inadvisable denim jacket with a swastika on it (presumably the kind of radical outfit bikers of the time wore - I can't think of any other reason something like that would be used), and trying to attract young ladies with a beaten up old bike, but he is useful in giving us solid proof that Mike is actually averse to bribes of the money kind ("mean, clean, and allergic to green…"). The issue of whether S&H are guilty of the same kind of tactics of bending the law as Iron Mike also comes up when Dobey suggests they would do that for Huggy, but as they reply, Hug's not a monster, and bending the law isn't the same as breaking it' (although I'm sure there are instances when they've allowed him to get away with dodgy stuff, though whenever it's been serious or he's not been truthful with them, things have gone badly between them).

One of the nitpicks of the episode happens under Huggy's watch - he has a folded up photo of Mrs. Lonigan, Johnny's wife, which he passes to S&H, but when the camera shows us the view it's of an uncreased photo. There's also the glaring contradiction (or simple mistake), of where Matt Coyle's phone number is in Iron Mike's snitch book - Mike claims it's on the back page, and we see that to be the case when they flick through, but then Starsky tells Johnny that Coyle's number is on the front page. It could have been just for emphasis, and if you open the book from the back it would be the front page, I suppose… The other possible flub I noticed was when the man dressed as a woman (yes, another one!), at Darcy's is being chased (they like their department store chases!), he throws down some containers of balls which looked like they were supposed to scatter, and didn't, with about one bouncing out! Starsky's old trait of taking his partner to rundown, slightly dodgy or odd eating places that he loves and Hutch doesn't want to visit, continues with this episode, as does Starsky banging a dispensing machine to get a free bar of chocolate (well, it makes up for the one he lost out on in 'Texas Longhorn' last season, even if it is stealing!). You could say they go undercover again in the department store sting, although it's the extent of a hat for Hutch and an odd interest in women's clothing for Starsky! Hutch's place is the location for the game of chess at the end, and Mandalay Heights Airfield I think had been spoken of and visited before (possibly 'Captain Dobey, You're Dead!').

On the list of references we get several: a surprise mention of James Bond (Hutch says the last time he saw a place like the Chinese restaurant was in one of those films!); Hutch says Ferguson has "the greatest arrest record since Wyatt Earp"; and "Skinny" Momo Mantell admits his former employer, Coyle "ain't no Snow White." Actually I felt that Coyle was a bit like Garak from 'DS9' in some ways - he could be ruthless, he was happy confusing the issue with false impressions of himself, and you never knew what he might do next, as well as lines like his lie having more colour than their grey truth. This is pertinent because we have a real Cardassian in the episode: Momo, who was played by Marc Alaimo (Gul Dukat on 'DS9'). He'd previously been in Season 1's 'The Bait,' and I believe he would return as a third character in one other episode, possibly this season. Michael Conrad wasn't the only returning actor (like Alaimo), or the only one from the pilot - Buddy Lester who played Lucky Lester in this (no, I don't remember that character), was also Coley in that first episode.

As I was watching this I felt it was better than I'd thought, perhaps because I was thinking more in terms of the lesser episodes of Season 1 than the generally better quality of Season 2. While it wasn't boring, I've already pointed out its flaws, and it didn't reach the potential the story had, or use all the characters effectively enough, which is why I rate it as I did. If it was a choice of this or a similarly low-ranked episode from Season 1, I'd go for this because it does at least show promise, but watching these episodes as I do, on full alert, paying attention to everything because I know I'm going to be writing a review, I enjoyed it more, whereas just viewing for the sake of viewing might not be as enjoyable.

**

Metamorphosis

DVD, Stargate SG-1 S6 (Metamorphosis)

Blame it on the Russians. If they hadn't gone to that planet and brought back Alebran, SG-1 would never have got mixed up with Nirrti again. It's interesting to see that the Russian team is a reality now. It may have been mentioned before, but I don't recall it being so definite that foreign teams were actually going off world. Maybe it's just not been mentioned recently? It makes you wonder why there aren't teams from America's allies around the world. Like a UK team, for instance. We English are being overlooked! I suppose it's down to the Russians being in on the secret, having had their own Stargate for a while, I'm not even sure if other nations have been told about the 'gate. Typical America! A shame the Russians were portrayed as weak and useless. Compassionate, yes, since Colonel Evanov brings the infected Alebran back to the SGC, in breach of protocol: you can't bring aliens back home with you without permission! But it was also the fact that he and his team seemed to mainly stand by as SG-1 took out all the Goa'uld, as if they weren't any good at fighting. And then, when poor Evanov is suffering and about to explode into water, nothing is done, they let him slop in silence, yet when Carter's the one threatening to explode in a pool of liquid all the stops are pulled out - it's like no one really cares that Evanov died, confirmation that the Russians were expendable and looked down on by O'Neill.

Granted, having the Russians on his team could make for another entry into my anti-bucket list that I've been collating over this season, especially as cooperation with them in the past hasn't made for the smoothest of missions, but they could have at least pretended to be more than bothered that Evanov now needed to be mopped up! Quite apart from the fact that the authorities wouldn't be too pleased, and would probably accuse O'Neill of putting his own people first. Which he did. Actually seeing Alebran gush away in front of my eyes was quite repulsive, but it was only setting the tone for the episode, in which we meet various unfortunate specimens that have been worked on by Nirrti in order to try and create a Hok'tar, or superior human, so she can use this knowledge to gain power. Why are these Goa'uld so old-fashioned? It was nice, in a way, to go back to something from the past, but the System Lords seem to have slipped into the background in the last season or so. Still, this is another one down since Wodan broke Nirrti's neck, so presumably that's the last of her, unless her symbiont can heal her…

The story is a bit tired and stereotypical, the usual sci-fi lines of old, mutated creatures that speak English with good pronunciation ("No, it is you who have made the mistake," that sort of thing). The afflicted reminded me of a cross between the Malon and Vidiians of 'Voyager,' and weren't a pleasure to watch. One of the few points of interest was that Jonas says he's human, his people have just lived on a different planet for a few thousand years, whereas I always thought he was fully alien - admittedly, Nirrti does mysteriously hint that he's more alien than he thinks after living on that planet, but it was worth noting. Not quite so worth noting was the terrible security of Stargate Command: the Russians shouldn't have brought Alebran with them, true, but when they do, everyone just stands around questioning instead of hurrying to check for contamination or, as they do later, a bomb! I like that Cassandra was referenced, but that experience should have made them especially careful for such threats as bombs inside people, and it's a good job that in this case all they had to worry about was damp flooring.

I actually thought we'd already had an episode with this title back in an early season when Teal'c turned into a creature, but checking back that was 'Bane.' I think what lessens this story is that it is just sci-fi by numbers. It's got some fine effects with the swirly DNA in the machine, and stopping a bullet with thought, but for all that, it consists mainly of the team hanging out in a cell, waiting to be used, until O'Neill can talk round their captors into seeing what bad news Nirrti is. It's not like he even uses some clever speech or the force of logic, he just tells them to look into her mind, and in the end they do. The questions of genetic manipulation could have been explored instead of the cheapness of having monster faces to deal with (we aren't even given the satisfaction of seeing what Wodan looked like after returning to normal, since the episode cuts just after he's stepped into the machine), and little else, so with all the empty talk and waiting around this definitely comes across as filler.

**

Paradise Lost

DVD, Stargate SG-1 S6 (Paradise Lost)

Or 'Jack and Harry Go Fishin''. Just last episode I was wishing Mayborn could come back, and old Harry doesn't disappoint; turning up out of the blue to steal from O'Neill's barbecue; lying to the hilt, as ever; even shooting ("zatting!"), Carter and Jack, both. All for the fabled paradise promised by an old scroll and key. Sometimes old keys can unlock fabulous treasure (and that's how Harry gets the SGC interested, pretending it's something to do with a weapons cache Simmons had been after), other times the information is so old as to be obsolete. And with the title giving away this little paradise's fate (er, it's lost), it doesn't take long for Mayborn's retirement plan to become another entry in O'Neill's anti-bucket list, should he have one - as I wrote in the previous review, he's already played host to a symbiont and been photographed shaking hands with Senator Kinsey. All that remained was for him to spend the rest of his natural life with a whining Mayborn to complete the hat trick of nightmares!

I like Mayborn. I know you're not supposed to, he's a traitor and a liar and can never be trusted, but he has a certain dogged charm in that he always wants Jack to see him as an equal; a friend. A friend who will stab you in the back (or shoot you in the front, in this case), but otherwise loyal. Funnily enough, this time he didn't want O'Neill around, his whole plan was to escape Earth to this fabled land of secret perfection. And more funnily enough this led to an understanding between him and Jack that he'd always wanted. I will say that the pacing is a bit uneven, spending too much time on Jack or Harry standing around in the village, or walking around the undergrowth (or facing an unconvincing CGI warthog), when we could have done with more of Carter and her attempts to deal with the guilt of getting O'Neill stranded. One of the most important scenes is when she's sniffling in the women's locker room and Teal'c comes in to provide support, ending up with a little friendly cuddle, a personal thing you wouldn't normally see with any of the characters usually, since they're tough military people. In this case it rang true, made possible with the simple line that Carter speaks about how they just lost Daniel, and now… Even at her fiercest with the scientists assigned to decode the gateway, she doesn't really come across as a hard-as-nails, bootstraps kind of person, she has too much intelligence and care for that. But it was fascinating to see her go through guilt, even though, when you look at it rationally, it wasn't her fault at all…

If Mayborn had succeeded in getting through the doorway before O'Neill did, Jack wouldn't have been stranded with him, and despite all the survivalist sense he's shown in the series, Harry would probably have ended up dead, gone mad from the plant he ate. I was banking on it being the water since he admits he drank straight from the lake, something you'd think an experienced agent like him would have been more cautious about, but it turned out to be a simple answer, just like the clue to their whereabouts which Carter realises - it's the moon. It was disguised so well in the beautiful visuals that make up for all the Earth, base, or featureless alien planet episodes we've had lately, from the shot of that gigantic moon in the sky to the strongly contrasting vistas when Harry and Jack go from an ancient temple ground (apparently made by the Furlings, the most mysterious, and possibly most ridiculous-sounding members of the Stargate races, and one which I doubt we'll ever see), to a field of green grass mixed with yellow flowers, to the backdrop of a forested mountain. It's stunning and makes you want to go there!

The care that went into finding a location for the village is also on screen, a gorgeous lake in the background - it does look like one of those locations they'd used before, but on a TV budget I wasn't going to complain. This bright, sunny paradise is even made foreboding when they portray Jack's descent into paranoia after ingesting the plant, nicely adjusting the colour palette and contrast in one continuous shot circling round him, almost like putting on the ring in 'The Lord of The Rings,' if not as dramatic as that, as well as some 'dying man' point of view shots with O'Neill hovering over his vision in a whited-out sky. The little straw huts were kind of basic, and too much time was spent in the village (perhaps to justify the cost), but you could say it was to help sell the time they're supposed to have spent there which was weeks, running into months. I would have liked to see more of Jack and Harry working together for their survival, like Robinson Crusoe on his desert island (though their methods differed as much as their personalities if you take the styles of fishing as example: Jack uses a stick and line, Mayborn chucks in a grenade!), and the ending would have been improved if we'd been privy to Carter seeing O'Neill again, but perhaps they wouldn't have been able to show much in that regard because of military protocol and Jack not being one for joyous reunions.

I do think that sometimes more of an ending scene is required on this series where they can cut away too early. It leaves it up to the imagination, but I would have liked to know where Mayborn got to go, or see that SG-1 reunion. It was a nice way to close out the Mayborn storyline, with O'Neill fulfilling his destiny and shooting Harry ("twice!"), then admitting he'd thought of a way for Mayborn not to have to go back: let the Tok'ra take him to another planet. Though the man is still not to be trusted, and has enough secrets about Earth he could find himself a target of more than rogue NID or official government agents, if Goa'uld or other aliens went after him. Actually that could have potential as a story… I never think we've seen the last of Harry, but I don't remember if he turned up again, and I know the series took a turn away from the past in the last seasons, plus Richard Dean Anderson stepping back would make the character unnecessary since it's O'Neill's grudging respect for Mayborn's ability to stay ahead, mixed with a strong dislike of the man and his methods, and a personal problem with him that always made the pair's interactions so fun. If it was his last appearance it was a fitting story to go out on.

***

Smoke & Mirrors

DVD, Stargate SG-1 S6 (Smoke & Mirrors)

He's hosted a symbiont, and now Jack has been photographed shaking hands with Senator Kinsey - as anti-bucket lists of not achieving certain things, go, he's not doing too well! The mystery was suitably retained for a good while, though I wasn't fooled by the excellent device towards the end in which the would-be assassin of Kinsey tells of how he finished the job on the comatose senator in hospital. It was too out of character for the series to do a flashback to something that had gone right for the villains, and with the news that Kinsey was in a coma, and not dead as at first appeared, I guessed he was going to survive, so it wasn't difficult to see through the plan of the assassin (appearing in Major Davis guise through the use of alien duplication technology from Season 3's 'Foothold'), as being a 'clever' ploy to deftly reveal that Kinsey was saved by the timely intervention of Carter and her new pal from NID, before they infiltrated 'The Committee' and ended things happily ever after.

Having not seen the episode in almost ten years, I couldn't be sure where the story was going from the beginning, and it does have the kind of teaser that leaves you wondering what the answer is. It was possible that O'Neill had done the deed, he and Kinsey not getting on too well and, as the recap scenes showed us, not being above threatening to shoot the senator. But he wouldn't, not in cold blood, without good reason, so then came the notion of clones into my mind - a fake O'Neill, or a fake Kinsey, or perhaps both, were reasonable possibilities, though that was quashed early as we hear again about the duplication devices that could be used to take on the physical form of people as a disguise or camouflage. Again, the episode they refer back to didn't immediately spring to mind, but they could hardly have featured a recap scene, as that would have given away the twist too early. There was a level of treading water to the episode, and I wondered if they were still reeling from the cost of building the X-303 and its two-parter, which could be a reason for another Earth-bound runaround.

O'Neill gets put away pretty early and this leaves it up to the team-ups of Teal'c and Jonas (who also proved useful once again as a sounding board to remind us of the past episodes that are relevant to this story), and Carter and Agent Barrett. Carter didn't need to have an instant attraction problem with another male member of staff, as that's too common, it would have been nice if it could have been strictly professional, and I think she'd have agreed. Not that it's at all romantic, but it's easy to see that Barrett is fascinated by her. He is part of NID, so a straightforward association might have been too much to ask, but he seemed as much of a straight arrow as someone from that dodgy organisation was likely to be. It's funny how he explains that there's a 'cancer' in the NID, a shadow organisation working within it, that is above the law (the reason for Kinsey's attempted assassination, since he had details on it), but he's describing the organisation itself, regardless of cancers, it's never been shown to be good and trustworthy. A shame Mayborn didn't crop up, because at least the NID strand had more of a personal and recurring flavour to it when he used to be there. Barrett looks like he might be a recurring face to come, and I can't say I didn't like him, but neither did he have much of a character to him.

I thought The Committee, this group of businessmen hiring NID operatives to take alien tech so they can market it and use it as part of their products, making billions of profit, could have been an interesting enemy, but with them being so quickly and easily unmasked, as stylish as the Davis flashback sequence was, they don't appear to have legs for a continuing threat. Probably for the best, as Earth enemies tend to come across as small fry in the bigger picture of galaxy-wide Lords of terror. They can sometimes pull off a good 'real world' story, but more often than not these tend to turn into scenes of people walking and talking in parks or offices, or breaking into apartments, and while both Carter's and her fellow SG-1 members' exploits had their moments (dashing out of a building just before it explodes, like something out of a Bourne film, and Jonas chasing after Dr. Langham, with Teal'c providing the muscle with a clothesline right to the face!), they couldn't sustain the rest of the episode. I liked the couple of mentions we had of Daniel (he was one of the people the alien devices had the pattern of, so I was hoping we might get a cameo, and he taught Teal'c to drive in 1969, in '1969'), and it was funny seeing a programme from around 2003 still using floppy disks, but it was a case of a duplicate of a good episode, not the real thing.

**

Tap Dancing Her Way Right Back Into Your Heart

DVD, Starsky & Hutch S2 (Tap Dancing Her Way Right Back Into Your Heart)

An unmemorable story, and not just because of the outstandingly long title (the longest of the entire series, unsurprisingly), but its sloppiness in the area of plot, and the sloppiness of the cops. I'm starting to sound like Captain Dobey, rhyming my sentences, and why not start with the good Captain? His role is one of the 'goods' about the episode, once again allowing him out of the office for some on-location policing. You can gripe that it doesn't make sense for the Captain of the force to be out supporting his men like that when he's usually liaising with important folk and co-ordinating operations from his desk, but I like that over the first half of this season Dobey's been given incrementally more to do. Not to the extent of Season 1, when he got his own episode, but at least he's a real character instead of being stripped of his role as Huggy so often has been. Back to his rhyming, or rapping: it comes when S&H dash off to save Marianne Tustin, leaving Starger and his goon in a tow truck that's been forklifted into the air over open sea, threatening them with a dunking if they don't cave and tell them what happened to Miss Tustin. Off camera you can hear Dobey spout the phrase, "All right you men, come down from there, and when you hit the ground, put your hands in the air. Come on!" Made me smile, anyway.

I picked out some other good little lines, all from Hutch, though the first one was him out of his Texan cowboy character when foiling a drugstore holdup: "Everybody get down or get out," which I thought was quite good, though I may be reading into things that aren't there when it starts to sound like there was the intention of dance-related words and phrases (everybody get down/ come on) - even Hutch's Texan wooing ("I got me a pocket full o' money and a heart full o' empty"), sounds like a line from some old country song. I also learnt a new word, Terpsichore, which is Greek for 'delighting in dancing,' which isn't something you can say every episode (learning a new word, not saying that actual word…), and while we're still rootling out the good points, I was surprised and impressed with the action sequence. You know the one, it's practically the only action in the episode, aside from the holdup, and features the shock shunting attack of a tow truck into the side of… no, not the Torino, or even Hutch's battered old motor, but a taxi cab that provides the 'cover' for the setup whereby Hutch is pretending to drop off the blackmail dough at the docks.

The attack comes out of nowhere, although I suppose we should have been expecting some kind of attempt to take out S&H since Starger knew who they were by then. Even so, it was a nice surprise and quite a punchy scene with the cars speeding around in the confined space and Hutch jumping out to better take a shot at the attackers (though I admit, I wanted him to roll out the door mid-motion). I think it stood out more because the rest of the episode had been so sedate and talky, especially for this series, but they do seem to have something for dancing. There are so many episodes either about it, or featuring it in the background when they go to clubs, and it's usually overdone, taking up more screen time than should have been allowed. This is so once again, with the ballroom dancing dragging on. In this case it had to be part of the story since they were going undercover in a dance studio, but even with that it wasn't necessary to have so much of it, as amusing as Hutch's efforts and Starsky's florid manner are.

It seems we've crossed over into the multitudinous mistakes or slip-ups that stop the episode from being one I remember and look forward to seeing again, so let us continue down that path, right back into your heart. That sentence didn't make a lot of sense, except to illustrate that the title is meaningless. I'm all for the occasional long and creative ones, but only if they're narratively defined. Yes, it mentions dancing, but there wasn't any tap dancing (unless you count Starsky in his guise of Argentinian Ramon as he walks past the getaway car on the way in to foil the robbery - did the driver not think to take note of these potential customers who might go in and spoil the action?), and from that title it suggests the tap dancer was female, tap dancing her way right back into your heart. It could be a reference to the former film star, Ginger Evans, whose dance studio this all takes place in, but the connection is tenuous; it could mean Marsha whom Hutch pretends to be attracted to, except she's really only a minor character; so are we to assume the 'Her' of the title is Marianne Tustin?

This doesn't really work either, since S&H meet her for the first time during the episode, and there's only the shortest suggestion that Starsky had bonded with her, when she pulls him into the boot of the car to give him a big kiss - but that was understandable in the context he having just saved her from kidnapping and possible death. She does attend the dance studio, but never tap dances and whether in or out of Starsky's heart, she wasn't returning, so none of the candidates measure up, forcing us to assume the title had as little thought into its necessity of communicating the story as the actual plotting itself seemed to have had. In regard to that, earlier I said it was sloppy, and here's why: aside from the title, the story develops in an ill thought-out way, firstly not telling us why S&H are dressed up in costume and behaving out of character (which I'll give them, it does make for an intriguing opening), and then, when we do learn the reason behind it, this story about some woman's brother (Teddy Tustin), who visited the city and ended up dead after getting involved in the dance studio, he's just a name. So we have no connection to him, and his sister, Marianne, takes all the limelight.

That was another problem I had, the way S&H, and even the irrepressible Captain Dobey, couldn't stand up to her, weakly accepting whatever she said or did. He's in charge of police, he should have slapped an injunction on her to stop her interferences in their investigation, and S&H are usually so forceful in explaining the situation to civilians that are intent on becoming either vigilantes or unwanted invaders into their police business. I know that Dobey has a history of politeness to women (especially when he gets bashful at the pretty ones), and maybe S&H were so caught up in their characters they didn't have the usual force of personality and dignity to back up their point, but when Marianne shows displeasure that they haven't any leads on her brother's death, or she turns up out of the blue to make her own undercover investigation into the dance studio, or demands Starsky introduce her to Starger, they always get bowled over by her personality. There might be a little compassion for her having recently lost a brother (though she never shows any mourning or sadness), but her role seems to exist to throw in another glamourous gal for the viewers without much thought to story, as well as creating a false deadline by which S&H have to solve the case, before her 'dignity' is undermined.

S&H, though they were fun in their personas of Texan cowboy Charlie McCabe (Hutch), and accented, moustache-toting Ramon (Starsky), were also another step along on the road to 'Dandruff,' the ultimate destination of parody and farce, and while I can (and did), enjoy their character acting, I always question how two detectives are so accomplished at acting! Sloppiness in the construction of the story is further evidenced when they abandon their carefully crafted cover by responding to the holdup near the beginning. The way they were talking, saying about their cover possibly being blown, I thought they were about to go to the dance studio, and casually not seeming to mind, but it turned out it was just a drugstore raid. I think perhaps Hutch just wanted to play out his dream of being a cowboy, which is why he was so unconcerned about their cover by getting involved in averting another crime, but the sloppiness doesn't just extend to the story: S&H are seen meeting on top of a bridge over a busy road! Just being seen together, the Argentinian dance instructor and the Texan cowboy from that dance studio, would have been enough to threaten the operation!

It gets worse. The holdup was just that: a holdup in the story! It had nothing to do with anything except to add much-needed action away from the slower dancing scenes (admittedly quite funny when the storeowner tells the police the handcuffed goons were left by a 'blond cowboy and an Arab with funny shoes,' - it struck me they were acting like superheroes, Batman or Spiderman might have left them tied up for the cops to collect after beating them in undercover persona!). It's the same as Miss Tustin being thrown in there for no good reason, or that Ginger shows up at the end, in case you'd forgotten her, to explain she was cleared of all charges and never knew what was going on. That does tie up the loose end of what her involvement was, but it was so tacked on and forced.

The worst sloppiness comes from S&H and Dobey, however. They'd met on a busy bridge, then at the dance studio they both show surprise and attention in Miss Tustin, Starsky even hurrying over to grab her by the arm. Anyone watching would have assumed they knew each other, and if they were close enough they'd have heard him speak in his normal voice. You can get past it by suggesting that Ramon was living up to his impetuous foreign nature, and boldly confronting this woman that had walked in, but how do you explain S&H and Dobey meeting up ON TOP OF A HILL? In full view, they choose the most public spot to meet, and lo and behold, Starger sees them and recognises the Captain. How he would recognise Dobey and not know S&H, the two most famous detectives in the force, I don't know, but file it in the same section as the accepted notion of driving around in a bright red, white-striped Torino rarely being recognised by crooks! I also had a problem with Hutch taking his job so far as to actually get himself into a position to be blackmailed after spending the night with Marsha, something that was going too far for the series.

A few other problems: Starger and his tough bodyguard guy look visibly worried when they've been hefted up in the tow truck. S&H hang them over water and they look even more worried, but why? Can't they swim? It wasn't even a long drop, and Dobey was in the background telling his men to stop so they were never going to do something to them in those circumstances! I also felt that from what we saw of Chambers' and Starger's operation, it was slick and small enough not to be noticed. This was why they could get away with pulling the same trick of blackmailing wealthy clients on a continual basis - they charged them enough to make a fast buck, but not so much that they couldn't pay it, so they had no need to kill anyone. It is explained that Teddy Tustin had a temper, and this is what likely got him killed (I liked Hutch's playing up to his cowboy persona by agreeing to pay the blackmail money one time, but if they ever tried to get him to pay again he threatens Chambers, as a wealthy and independent cattle baron might). And what about Starsky's moustache? Was it real, grown for the episode, or, as I suppose is more likely, a stick-on variety - he appears hairless when pretending to be a taxi driver for McCabe.

There were few of the regular things to look out for, but a couple of references were 'Frank' Astaire, McCabe showing his ignorance (although you could say that the series takes place in a different universe to our own, and in that, maybe Fred Astaire and Ginger Rogers were actually Frank Astaire and Ginger Evans!), and Dobey calls Starsky Mr. Valentino (probably after the famous romantic actor, Rudolph). There's also the pair of them playing roles undercover, something they've done many times, and a hint of the 'food thing' going on when Hutch agrees to hold Starsky's hotdog because he has to drive, though we don't get the usual followup of Hutch eating it and Starsky getting irritated, as it cuts straight to their arrival at the holdup. Marsha's place with the fireplace could be another reuse of that fireplace set, and the docks shown in this one look more like dock settings we've seen previously rather than the huge ship facilities of earlier this season.

There's a clip that would later be used in the credits - the final scene where Starsky teaches Hutch how to dance and performs the dip, much to his partner's surprise. And Huggy, although hardly integral to the story, does have one scene where he's back to his old games of mice racing at 'mouse downs' (previously called 'Rodent Downs'), seen before in 'The Omaha Tiger.' No, literally seen before, as they reuse the footage of the mice running from that episode, actually quite cleverly integrated into a new sequence - you never see Huggy in the same shot as the mice, he's behind a crowd, as is Hutch and Marsha, so they pull it off nicely. The names of the mice are even the same (Little Minnie and Little Lil join the previous entries of Cheesebiscuit, Mouse of War, and The Cat's Meow). And finally, when Starsky dances out of Dobey's office did he deliberately miss the door handle, or was it a mistake that they kept in? None of the story is so bad that it's dull, and the wacky characters S&H become are the highlight (in response we don't get any crazy characters opposite them), but the lack of logic or successful production of a story, coupled with a dip in excitement and too much innuendo, means I'm quite happy to see this episode dance off into the sunset, right out of my heart.

**